Best and Worst Reasons to Marry: Are You Sure You’re Ready?
Consider your reasons to marry long and hard before tying the knot.
Get it right and reap the rewards of long-term happiness.
Marry for the wrong reasons and you will pay the price of guaranteed misery.
And that misery could lead to an extremely unpleasant future such as divorce, cheating or spousal abandonment.
Or in the best case scenario staying married with someone who represents a roommate more than a spouse.
After living through infidelity and spousal abandonment and now the re-routing of my life I can’t help, but wonder what I would have done differently.
“What were my reasons to marry?”
All my reasons to marry were emotional based. All short-term reasons with no foundation for long-term success.
I thought my life would feel more secure, joyful and fulfilling.
The other areas of my life were either not set or in shambles.
And the marriage became a ray of hope to even things out.
Big mistake.
I can’t help, but wince as I see others take the sizable risk to look at marriage as a way to provide purpose in their lives.
And that purpose will bring them peace as sort of a trade off for not settling other major areas of their lives.
So I decided to take a side-by-side look at both the best and worst reasons to marry.
Let’s start with the worst…
Worst Reasons to Marry (risky reasons)
Before scanning over the list check out this insightful article from licensed psychologist Shauna Springer.
According to her the wrongful reasons to marry consist of three unwise motivations: fear-based, feelings of inadequacy or shallow pragmatics (without long-term scope).
Or if you strongly consider marrying your girlfriend or boyfriend, but have your doubts then perhaps you have met your false soulmate. Check out my post “15 False Soulmate Signs”.
And now onto my version of unwise reasons to marry combined with poor conditions in which to marry.
- Ignore cheating signs, hope for the best
- Think No One Else Will Love You
- Your partner possesses some of these potential relationship-hazardous traits (but you ignore them).
- Access to Endless Sex
- Avoid Loneliness
- Take a chance on a tumultuous relationship to see how it goes, then get divorced if not working out.
- To split bills.
- In order to move to a more desirable location (city, country, etc).
- To Have Kids (while you doubt your long-term commitment to each other)
- Make Him/Her Happy
- To Be Taken Care of Financially
- Everyone Else Got Married
- Make Someone Citizen of Your Country (so that you can marry but you do not know them well)
- Please Your Parents
- Escape Your Parents
- Want to a Have Family (Despite doubts they are not the right person for you)
- He/She Makes You Feel Special (and you need someone else to validate your self-worth)
- Physical Attraction
[Take Poll] What’s Your Opinion?
Don’t see the answer you like? Fill in your own in the “Other” option. And please leave a comment regarding your thoughts on this topic at bottom of this post.
Some of the reasons to marry listed above make good secondary reasons to marry, but not primary ones to support long-term commitment.
Don’t underestimate the probability of marriages of good people with good intentions ending up in an affair.
Best Reasons to Marry
For my list of best reasons to marry I have included healthy conditions for a successful marriage too.
- Create a long-lasting union with the person you love.
- These soulmate traits characterize your relationship.
- You both have offered each other unconditional love while dating for a few years.
- Neither wants to get married to please other people.
- Both have set or at least promising career paths.
- You both are at least for the most part financially stable (little to no debt and some savings).
- You’re both compatible in many ways have display many healthy relationship traits.
- Both of you have agreed to or would commit to pre-marital counseling.
- Neither of you is emotionally dependent on the other.
- You are not both emotionally co-dependent.
- Both have provided each other positive support for career and personal endeavors.
- Friendship, both are best of friends.
- Share similar life goals.
- Share same spiritual beliefs.
[Take Poll] What do you think?
Don’t see the answer you like then fill in your own under the “Other” option. Please leave a comment at bottom of this post with your thoughts on this topic. Do people rush marriage?
While these reasons to marry listed above may not seem sexy or romantic they will help promote a healthy, sustainable long-term relationship.
Good Reasons to Marry…but Not Good Enough
You have the best intentions in mind to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I don’t doubt that for a second.
Right now he/she fills you with absolute joy. You can’t wait to see each other.
But right now is right now.
However, marriage is FOREVER, not for a few years.
How prepared are you both for the long haul?
I’d bet that you complete each other, right?
But good reasons to marry are like eating a big meal with little nutritional value, you get full, but not healthy.
Healthy food reaps long-term health and healthy reasons to marry lead to long-term, happy marriage.
Good reasons to marry are like eating a big meal with little nutritional value, you get full, but not healthy.
Do you want a happy long-term marriage or just a long, struggling marriage?
Good Reasons to Get Married But Worth Thinking Twice About
- You prefer to spend time with him than with your best friend…
…but will you do when he (or both of you) must work OT and long hours to pay the bills?
…or your schedules conflict?
- You both love talking for hours…
…but how will you feel when you both are tired from work, kids or chores and stop talking?
- You can’t stop looking at each other because you find one another irresistible…
…and when you both gain pounds around the waste or he loses his hair will you lust over each other then?
- You love to make the other happy so you buy gifts, write love notes, send romantic texts…
…and how romantic will you feel to send sweet texts after you spend countless hours together week-after-week, year-after-year?
- For companionship, you hate feeling alone and love how it feels to have someone there…
…but after a long stressful day at work, day in and day out, don’t you think you will want more alone time than now?
- And of course, let’s not forget about the endless sex…
…but it’s more likely to end that be endless after it feels routine.
According to Rick Thomas, Christian podcaster, blogger and life coach, these make up secondary reasons to marry.
Rick says that the “strength of any marriage is tied directly to the reason for marriage” and that is why good reasons are not good enough, instead you must have the best reasons to marry.
Furthermore, Rick shares his opinion on the role that pre-marital counseling can play into marriage success.
He even provides a marriage mission statement graphic on his blog post here.
What happens when we marry for the best reasons?
Happy and Ugly Marriage Stories
While searching the internet for some examples of couples that chose to marry for healthy, long-term reasons I came across some links you may wish to explore:
Happy Marriage Stories
Reddit visitors post about their happy marriages.
Celebrity Story: Actress Jada Pinkett Smith’s story and one secret to a happy marriage with Actor Will Smith.
Ugly Marriage Stories
“I Am In a Bad Marriage”. Collaboration of marriages gone wrong.
What reasons to marry make sense to support a long-term marriage? Do People Rush Marriage? How? Why? Share your opinion below.
