Boyfriend Material: Signs He Wants a Relationship with You
Finally! You met a guy you like and he likes you back too. But … does he qualify as boyfriend material?
Will he stick around much longer or disappear?
This topic fascinates me.
As a romantic and sympathetic man to women’s relationship desires I want to help you benefit from top notch advice.
Therefore, I decided to invite four of my friends over to offer their detailed opinions on how to recognize the signs he wants a relationship with you (instead of just having fun).
I sent my dating coach and relationship blogger friends a list of questions from which to choose their preferred five to answer.
Each answer is well-thought out and comes from their combined coaching or personal experience, research or response from their clients or blog viewers.
If you like their insightful advice and opinions please click through to visit their blogs to see what else they can help you with in the dating and relationship world.
And as always, please click the share buttons to the left to show this post to your friends.
Furthermore, if you are relationship blogger or coach and would like to write a guest post for my blog then please send me a message through my contact page.
And Before You Go Any Further
==>Grab my newest 120-page eBook “Finding Mr. Right IRL: Everyday Places and Ways to Meet and Connect with Quality Men in Real Life”
Meet My Guest Invitees to Help Define Quality Boyfriend Material
♦Ashley Kay from AshleyKay.com
Dating/Relationship Coach/Blogger
Her Top 5 Favorite Areas to Help Women Find True Love
- How to attract better quality men
- How to navigate the tricky world of online dating
- How to deal with break ups
- How men think
- How to hold onto good quality men
Motivation to Get Started in Dating and Relationship Advice Niche
Wanting my own “fairytale” romance gave me the motivation to seek out dating and relationship advice.
Main Dating Program
Irresistible Dating Method – 7 Step Framework For Attracting & Keeping High Caliber Men
Other Guest Posts on InfidelityFirstAidKit.com
- How to Make Him Chase You: Why It Works to Find a Good Boyfriend/Husband Who Truly Loves You
- Stop Attracting Duds, Find Studs: Online Dating Profile Tips to Hook Quality Men
♦Brook Pittman from BrookPittman.com
Dating and Relationship Coach/Blogger
Her Top 5 Favorite Areas to Help Women Find True Love
- Helping them develop their own sense of self-worth.
- Identify and eliminate old patterns.
- Helping them sift through the men they do meet to make sure they are making wise choices.
- Coaching them to feel comfortable with themselves so they are able to enjoy feeling sexy, powerful and respected in their relationship.
- Guiding them find great ways to create or form the basis of a healthy and happy relationship.
Motivation to Get Started in Dating and Relationship Advice Niche
To share all the things, I have learned after a long run of bad choices, low self-esteem and really classically scummy guys. I was finally able to turn myself around, and to make my relationship into something great.
Through this experience I have learned my own value, and how to not put up with shit from anyone. And I want to share this with other women to save them from the heartache, pain and time!
Podcast
The Bottom Line with Brook Pittman (every Friday)
Other Guest Posts on InfidelityFirstAidKit.com
- Attract Your Dream Man: How-to Guide to Find True Love and Future Husband
♦Aska Kolton from GetReadyforLove.uk
Dating Detox Expert
Her Top 5 Favorite Areas to Help Women Find True Love
- Self-Love
- Boundaries
- Personal Happiness
- Becoming a Happy Single
- Authentic Dating
Motivation to Get Started in Dating and Relationship Advice Niche
My personal story of 110 dates, 7 years of singledom and 2-year dating detox which completely transformed my love life. Now I am in a happy and healthy relationship and we have a son together.
Main Coaching Program
♦Rachel Jo from DoctorForLove.com
Dating and Relationship Blogger
Top 5 Favorite Areas to Help Women Find True Love
- How to find the right partner
- How to overcome the struggles in the relationship
- How to improve our relationship/marriage
- Advice on the types of guys women should avoid if they want a serious relationship
- How women could find love while they rediscover themselves after a hard breakup.
Motivation to Get Started in Dating and Relationship Advice Niche
I’ve always had a romantic personality, always searching for true love. I never doubted that true love exists, but it took me over ten years of really bad relationship experience to find the person with whom I feel free and loved. With my own lessons and knowledge that came in a hard way, I try to help women find real love and most importantly – to release themselves free from the bad relationship.
Get Her Free eBook
“How to Get Over a Breakup Fast!”
Now onto the questions and answers…
Players vs Boyfriend Material
How to Spot the Signs He Wants a Relationship with You
What are the three biggest keys to identifying quality boyfriend material versus someone who just wants to have fun and nothing more?
Is he boyfriend material or just here for the fun?
-Ashley Kay (AshleyKay.com)
The first is: does he make long term plans for the two of you? A man who is considering a relationship with you will not just focus on the “here and now”. He will not just flatter you with romantic words.
He will be thinking practically too.
He’ll make plans for getting you to meet his family. He’ll consider your opinion when buying a new car. A man who makes quality boyfriend material will want to know whether your friends would like him. That type of thing.
The second is: is he actively SELLING himself on what a great boyfriend he would make? Decent men who fit quality boyfriend material know they need to differentiate themselves from players.
They are not blind to the fact there are player/douchebags out there.
If he is serious about you, he will make every effort to separate himself from them. If he isn’t doing this, then he is labeling himself as a PLAYER/Casual option only.
And the last clue I would say is: he makes an effort to plan dates WELL in advance.
Once again, a guy who thinks long term and wants to sell himself as your boyfriend will put in the effort to plan dates well in advance. He will not be a “last minute” guy. A boyfriend material kind of guy will more than likely he will ask you out a week ahead of time and be very respectful of how you use your time.
The men who says they just want to “go with the flow”, never plans anything, just focuses on the here and now are usually not relationship-thinking men.
-Aska Kolton (GetReadyforLove.uk)
The 3 biggest signs that the guy is serious about dating and a good boyfriend material are:
1. He delivers what he promises
If he says he will call he calls. If he says he will meet you he shows up. When he makes plans with you he follows through. He makes sure he delivers what he promises and doesn’t disappoint.
2. He doesn’t play games
Integrity, honesty, transparency; these are his qualities. He speaks his mind, is truthful and tells you how he feels when he is ready. He doesn’t follow silly dating rules. He is authentic and open.
3. He Pursues You
He creates opportunities to meet, keeps asking you out, stays in touch and doesn’t leave you wondering whether he is into you. By his actions he shows you that he is into you. He is present in your life and makes sure you know he likes you.
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
Number one in finding out that someone has the qualities of a good boyfriend is the eyes. Nothing can tell us more about someone than his eyes. Even the fact he does not look into your eyes says a lot.
The way he treats you from the very beginning will show how he would act in the relationship later. Is he coming on time for the dates? Does he insist on picking you up if you don’t have a car? Does he look into your eyes when you speak and actually listen? Does he show respect toward you? Is he too pushy to go somewhere, to do something (anything, it’s not always about sex)?
The third key to recognising if he’s a great partner and a boyfriend material is the way he treats the people around him. He may be very gentle and respectful of you. However, if he jumps in anger every time the waitress is late with the coffee – that’s not a good sign.
If you’re on a date and his parents call does he just ignore it without knowing if it’s something important? Even if a friend calls he should check if it’s something urgent – it takes 30 seconds, and you would not mind. The way he treats the people around him could tell you more than the way he treats you.
In order to find quality boyfriend material should a woman go on many dates? Why or why not? What are some key points that define a compatible partner?
What do you talk about together?
-Ashley Kay (AshleyKay.com)
There are two potential problems. Either women are too wishy washy, jumping from one guy to the next without giving each man enough time OR they focus too intently on the first guy they like and potentially end up looking very needy and clingy.
I think women should keep their options open in the very beginning. Only when she feels a genuine connection and he is giving her the right attention back, should she focus in on one man.
Just to be on the realistic side. Be prepared to date many men. Good, decent and compatible men who make good boyfriend material are hard to come by. When your expectations are realistic, you won’t be so easily discouraged.
As for what defines a compatible partner, I firmly believe women should look for physical chemistry as well as an emotional connection.
Things to ask yourself are: am I instantly comfortable around him? Can we speak about many subjects for hours and hours? Do we have similar sense of humour? Does he just “get me” when I talk about certain things. They are signs pointing to an emotional connection.
Physical attraction is different. When you’re lusting after someone, you tend to be more nervous around them. You tend to worry or be more anxious. This is because you’re more focused on impressing them and coming across “attractive” for them. You also tend to fantasize more about being in a relationship with them instead of actually conversing and spending real quality time with them.
Look for a man with both of these qualities. A man should be easy to get along with as well as make you excited to see him.
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
Definitely not! Unless she enjoys dating, she does it more for fun and finding out a man with potential for a great relationship is just a bonus.
When you go to the shop, you don’t have to try all the clothes on to see what’s best for you. You pick just a few of them that match your criteria and then try only those few before you make the final payment. Dating is the same.
One of the ways I recommend to find boyfriend material is identifying your 3 x 3. That is three things you would not compromise with at the very first stage of getting know someone, and three qualities you believe is necessary for him to have. Your past defines the first “three”. The second “three” define the future you want.
What about just asking a woman out on a date? Do you believe that men are picky or not when just asking a woman out? Why or why not?
-Ashley Kay (AshleyKay.com)
Hmm, I think men should be just as picky as women. On the other hand, men don’t want to be rejected, so oftentimes a man won’t even approach unless he is 80-90% sure she will say yes. When a man first asks you out, it’s most likely due to his first impression of you.
He’ll look for things like: do you look after yourself? Are you bubbly and friendly? Do you look like an approachable & easy-going person? Are you relaxed?
The more uptight and closed-off you are, the less likely any man will ask you out. Men are not nearly as picky as women are about men. For most men, as long as she looks after herself and is easy to get along with, he’ll probably keep pursuing her.
Women tend to be the one to overthink things.
-Brook Pittman (BrookPittman.com)
I think that when men are asking a woman out, they are somewhat less picky. Though I think it depends on the circumstances.
In my experience, most men would easily ask a woman out, without much thought at all about what the future might hold for them, as a pair. Therefore, I don’t believe that the men are quite as picky when asking a woman on a date.
To identify compatible boyfriend material what type of mental and emotional prep work should you do before seeking a long-term relationship with a man?
Will this turn into long-term love or be done and over quickly?
-Ashley Kay (AshleyKay.com)
First, women should know what they want and be crystal clear about what kind of boyfriend material they seek. Is it a lifelong partner they’re after? Someone to build a family with? Or just someone to have fun with? How do they really feel about love and relationships?
A lot of women unknowingly sabotage themselves because they have conflicting beliefs about love. They may feel on the one hand a relationship is a great thing but on the other, it can bring pain and suffering. You will only end up playing tug of war with yourself if your beliefs contradict each other.
If you know you can be pessimistic about love – perhaps it’s time to seek out examples of positive relationships. They are everywhere as long as you’re willing to look. Movies, YouTube, friends and family are a great place to start.
I’d also highly advise to ignore the negative stories and focus more on seeking the positive ones.
If you truly want a great guy and a great relationship, you must start aligning your beliefs with your desires.
-Aska Kolton (GetReadyforLove.uk)
Every woman should take some time out to get to know herself before she starts looking for a relationship and defining her kind of boyfriend material.
Spending some time exploring who you are, what is important to you, what your dreams, needs, values are is crucial. It will help with attracting and choosing the right person.
It will help you be more selective, stay grounded and make better romantic choices. Also, learning how to love and value yourself, finding your worth and having healthy boundaries in place is crucial.
I always say to my clients; the man will only love and value you proportionately to how much you love and value yourself.
The more you love yourself, the more love you will receive from the right guy.
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
The best start you could give to yourself when considering a long-term relationship is to get over your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes the amazing guy that’s boyfriend material may just storm into your life a few months after a bad breakup. However, that does not happen as often as we want it to. So the best thing you could do with your inner self is to get rid of the bad influence you had and to recover your personality.
At the same time, you have to work on finding out if there’s something in common in every painful relationship you had. Find the pattern. Define it. Then choose your 3 x 3 – three things you do not want to compromise and three qualities that are necessary for your future man to have.
The last thing is to forget to look for someone and to start looking for yourself. Find the woman that got lost in every other previous bad relationship, embrace her and start loving her. Every day. When you become one with yourself, there’s no doubt that the next man that enters your life will deserve you and will want a relationship with you that’s meaningful.
What are some of the things that men, who are genuinely interested in a relationship, say and do after the first few dates?
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
After the awkward first and second date, you two will start sharing your feelings, your vision of life and love. Listen carefully. A “boyfriend material” man that’s honestly into having a long-term relationship with you will share his personal opinion about things. He will not use general phrases that you could read on any site for quotes. He will talk about facts, use examples and will make it clear what he wants and needs. Don’t forget that he was looking for that long-term relationship as well.
He will be respectful of your time and personality. For example, if you share you’re exhausted, he will finish the date earlier, so you can go home and rest yourself. Moreover, he will tell you he wants you to relax. Don’t think that’s just a dream story when you care about someone you show that care.
You will feel his priority without fighting for it. The fact he saw something unusual about you would be enough for him to make you his priority. He would not want you to prove yourself to him so he can make you a priority.
The last thing – listen to your guts. Nothing could be more valuable about what’s good or bad about you than your intuition. The first moments when you saw him your intuition told you something. What was it? Did you feel right about that person you just met, or you felt doubts? Listen to your guts! They will find the signs he wants a relationship with you.
Leading up to a first date what behaviors, actions or words would you expect from a man who is already interested in dating a woman beyond the first one?
What kind of effort does he put into your dates?
-Brook Pittman (BrookPittman.com)
I think that any real thought or effort put into the planning of the date, the level to which the man goes to impress the woman on their first date would be a good boyfriend material indicator of someone who wants something long-term.
If he changes plans to accommodate a time when the woman can meet, that would also be a good indicator.
Also, any sort of extra texts/phone calls/messages that he sends her before the first date (other than the absolutely necessary ones to confirm plans) shows me there is heightened interest
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
If a man decides to see you beyond the first date and wants a relationship with you, that means he sees something different in you. Something that makes you unique and stands out compared to others. That causes curiosity in him. He wants to know more, to find out more, to see more.
When we’re excited about someone, we cannot take our eyes off him.
So you could find out if he’s interested in you by watching his eyes. Does he look into your eyes when you talk? Do you see his obvious interest in your words, opinion? If he doesn’t care about what you think and he won’t invite you to a second date, he would stop paying attention to what you say.
At the beginning of the date, he will show that interest.
However, if he loses it at some point, there will be a change of his reactions as well.
The next thing if he wants a relationship with you is to try is to open up in front of you. Some men feel uncomfortable to open up. But if he values your opinion and is interested in something more than just a coffee, he will try open the door to a part of him that’s personal. It may not be something big and not the story of his life (hopefully). However, the small test will be there, and he will want to know what you think of it. That’s a very obvious sign he wants a relationship with you.
Conversely, same question, but instead how he might act if he is just curious about her?
-Brook Pittman (BrookPittman.com)
A man who puts no effort into the date equals a bad sign of boyfriend material. Who won’t really give any wiggle room for making the plans; who doesn’t give any extra little messages; who shows no interest beyond getting your digits.
A man who is only interested in knowing if you can make it to go out with him, is likely only interested in finding out if you will hook up with him. He has not thought of you much beyond that.
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
If a man is just curious about the woman that means he actually considers dating her. Men don’t like to waste their time unless they see some value from what they do. If he’s curious, he will look for something different because he thought she had something different when he asked her out.
Red Flags: What are some of the things that you’ve seen a caring woman put up with that a disrespectful man (player) does after the first few date.
Does he want the same thing I want?
–Ashley Kay (AshleyKay.com)
Ask a woman to do things to fit around HIS schedule instead of the other way around. Such as driving to a place convenient for him only, picking a time that suits him, never stopping to ask and consider what she would prefer.
If a man isn’t seriously, he’ll make the smallest effort to get together with a woman.
Another thing women should watch out for are men who use “guilt” to get what they want. If you’re especially susceptible to guilt, be careful. Men will quickly use this to make you feel bad and manipulate you to do things for them.
For example, if you tell a man you felt guilty in your last relationship because you still spoke to an ex-boyfriend, he may dig this example up to make you feel bad and then tell you must “make it up to him” by doing X, Y or Z.
Caring women will fall for this because they genuinely don’t want to hurt others and won’t see how manipulative this is.
Only men who don’t really care about you would do this. Good, decent men would never manipulate you into sleeping with them or doing something just for them.
-Aska Kolton (GetReadyforLove.uk)
Too many women choose to ignore red flags.
The desire to be in a relationship is so strong that their perception of what boyfriend material looks like gets clouded by the early emotions and they get involved with men who break their hearts.
It could all be avoided if they listened to their intuition and read the warning signs.
My 3 pretty obvious ones:
1. He is into you too quickly.
He is very keen to see you all the time, constantly shows up in your life and texts you all day long. You spend hours on the phone. Things are going very fast.
He tells you he loves you after a few dates, lavishes you with expensive gifts.
It is almost too good to be true! Your doubts are valid. You have the power to slow things down.
By doing so you will determine whether the guy is seriously into you or not. If he is not, he will quickly disappear into the void as he is looking for a quick reward.
2. He is pushing for sex
He will try to get his hands into your pants at the first opportunity because he is not interested in you as a person. He doesn’t ask many questions because he is not curious about you.
Everything has a sexual undertone. He is in it to getting laid rather than find a relationship.
3. He is not consistent
He doesn’t call when he promised, instead he cancels. He is late for your dates and doesn’t stay regularly in touch. He plays hot and cold.
Once he’s very present in your life and you keep having fun. And then he disappears for a while and uses silly excuses just to resurface after a few weeks.
You always wonder where you stand with him. And this feeling is a warning. With the guy who is seriously into you, you won’t have any doubts.
-Brook Pittman (BrookPittman.com)
Not making time for her in anyway is not a good sign of boyfriend material. Not making an effort to find out more about her. Waiting for him to call. Waiting for him to call and then finally giving up waiting, only to have him booty call her and she accepts.
Being on his phone when they are together. Talking about other women in front of her. Eyeballing other women when they are together. Being flirty with other ladies when they are out together.
Being secretive or shady about details of his life. Not letting her come over to his place or making excuses to not go out with her in pubic.
Taking her to really hole-in-the-wall type places if they do go out. Never meeting any of his friends, or not really letting you know where he works, lives, etc.
Do you feel men are picky and selective when it comes to choosing a girlfriend? Why or why not?
-Brook Pittman (BrookPittman.com)
I think men absolutely are picky when it comes to choosing a girlfriend.
I think they are far less choosy when it comes to going on a few dates or hooking up with someone.
If they are serious or looking for a relationship I feel like they know who they want and who they do not necessarily deem “girlfriend material”.
-Aska Kolton (GetReadyforLove.uk)
Personally, I think when men look for a serious relationship they are pickier than women.
They don’t want to lose their freedom and independence, so they are very careful with choosing who they want to be in a relationship with. They also develop their emotional connection a bit slower to women which helps them have better judgement and clarity when choosing a partner.
Men are also better at sticking to their boundaries and their non-negotiables in dating. Once something is off and is not working out they end it. Men are also more comfortable with being single and without a relationship.
For women relationships are more important so the desire to be in one is stronger.
-Rachel Jo (DoctorForLove.com)
Oh yes, men are sometimes pickier than the women. Moreover, they are less likely to compromise when it comes to the early stages of the dating.
When a man decides that the time to have a serious relationship has come, he will go for the exact type he believes suits his needs. Even though everyone thinks women are complicated, men manage to “read” their relationship capabilities better than the women themselves. The main reason is that when it comes to deciding at the early dating stage – men use their logic. If his logic tells him you don’t match the personality he looks for, you just don’t have a chance.
What is the best thing a woman can do to stop attracting players and start attracting high-quality boyfriend material guys?
-Aska Kolton (GetReadyforLove.uk)
There is a magic solution to it.
It’s called BOUNDARIES.
Healthy boundaries not only protect women in dating, but also send the right signals to the right guys.
When a woman is selective, comfortable with using the word ‘no’ and has high standards, she is becoming more attractive to high-quality guys.
High-quality guys love and respect women who know their value and have boundaries.
It is an attractive quality to have. On the other hand, men who just want to have fun or get laid will get bored very quickly with boundaries and rules.
Finding Boyfriend Material: Visit My Guest Invitees’ Websites
Ashley Kay from AshleyKay.com
If you’re sick of dating low quality men or can’t seem to attract or keep the attention of great men, download my FREE 10 texts to get any man into a long term committed relationship.
Inside you’ll discover the 3-step formula to get any man to see you as instant “girlfriend material” and the best strategy to go from “casual to committed” without being pushy!
♥Download the Texting Men cheatsheet for free here
Aska Kolton from GetReadyforLove.uk
From Self-Love to True Love:
This is my 5-week group coaching programme for single women who want to step up, feel worthy and make space for true love in their life.
If you have had enough of being ghosted, attracting flakes, being thrown crumbs of love and deep inside you know you deserve more you just don’t know how to get it.
This programme is for you!
♥Click HERE to find more details about FROM SELF-LOVE TO TRUE LOVE programme.
Rachel Jo from DoctorForLove.com
Hi there 🙂 I am Rachel, and together with my partner in life, we created DoctorForLove so we can help people find, recognise and hold true love. Yes, we believe true love still exists and waits for us to learn our lessons and get ready for it.
If you feel you still need to work on getting over your last breakup I have the best cure for you. And it’s for free!
♥Get my Free E-Book HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP FAST
Brook Pittman from BrookPittman.com
My name is Brook Pittman. I have a dating and relationship advice blog.
After many wasted years in shitty relationships and putting up with absolute garbage from men, I finally learned some vital lessons.
I help women to realize their value, find awesome men, develop lasting relationships and be happy in those relationships.
♥Come check out my site and see if I can help you at BrookPittman.com
