Confess to Cheating? Is that a good idea?
Should you confess to cheating and face choppy waters?
So you had an affair and now you are wondering if you should confess to cheating. You run through all the possible outcomes of what will happen if you admit your infidelity.
“If I confess will I end up alone?”
“Will he tell all my friends?”
“What will people think of me?
“Will he physically hurt me?”
This is not an easy situation to be in, but more than anything you should ask yourself this:
Are you looking for any easy way out? Are you looking for a path to avoid pain?
If you are a person that cares about other feelings then know there is no painless escape route. Everyone makes choices that affect other peoples’ lives at some point. This is that moment.
Your partner’s life is in your hands. Don’t they deserve the opportunity to decide what to do? You put yourself in that spot. Let’s not judge whether what you did was right or wrong, instead let’s just say you are the only one that benefited at all from your decision to have an affair and you did not think about your partner. With that said there is some hope for both of you in the end.
Let’s get started on discussing the possible outcomes if you confess to cheating.
Possible Outcomes To Confess Your Affair
Confess To Your Partner Now
What could happen:
- He/she gets mad, calls you every name in the book and breaks it off with you.
- He/she gets mad, calls you every name in the book, but decides to stay to see in time if you guys can still be in a relationship or not.
- This may be a sign that you do not want to be with them anyway. So telling your partner now may allow you both to pursue other people. Yes, it will be devastating news, but keep reading please.
Tell Your Partner Later And Continue In Your Marriage (Or After You Get Married)
What could happen:
- He/she gets mad, calls you every name in the book and breaks it off with you.
- He/she gets mad, calls you every name in the book, but decides to stay to see in time if you guys can still be in a relationship or not.
- You may have wanted to test how it feels to be in a relationship with someone else for awhile. After all, you were unsure that you wanted to be with them in the first place. You stayed out of guilt. You could have given you both the chance to move on by confessing earlier.
But you continue in the marriage (or now you are married) and now the feelings are going to be even more complicated. In the case of a boyfriend and girlfriend getting married later and then you have kids together, things could get very uncomfortable.
Never Confess
What could happen:
- The guilt will eat you inside out every day even if you are not in a relationship with them later. Imagine if you are still with him/her, and he/she is so happy because they thought they married someone who they can trust, little do they know what happened many years earlier. Their smile combined with not knowing will haunt your soul forever.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
This may be a sign that you have some issues that are unresolved inside of you. If you are not married yet then perhaps you are not for a deep relationship right now. Please do not put the pressure of feeling like you need a relationship to be happy (with ANYONE), at least not now. It will hurt no matter what choice you make, but not confessing could result in far worse pain later.
If you want to work things out with your partner then you will need to resolve your own issues. If you are not deliberate about your recognition of your own issues neither of you will be able to move on. He/she will not trust you and be miserable wondering if they are involved in a dead relationship. And you will second guess yourself forever if you should have stayed or moved on.
To Be Clear
Yes, you should confess or pain will follow you forever. HOWEVER, if you are pretty certain your partner will cause physical pain to you or the person you cheated with then you should not confess just yet, instead seek professional advice from a counselor.
