Control Freaks: Secret Defense Strategies Against a Manipulative Spouse
What: Learn to Defend Yourself Against Control Freaks
When: Right now, of course
Why: You’ll keep getting beating up if you don’t learn better coping strategies.
Defend Yourself Against the Control Freak
I HATE manipulation and control freaks. I am using the word hate. I hate stupid manipulative advertisements telling (attempting to tell me) what I need to make me feel good or be a better person. I hate the salesperson at the cell phone store telling what $50 add on services “I need”.
Excuse me. I don’t need any of those sh.., shenanigans.
But you know what I hate MOST? I hate dealing with Control Freaks.
Life is short. It’s my life. Not yours! Back off! You want me to stay then give me space.
As you may already know I do NOT think cheating is the right answer- EVER, but it is what it is and I did it, but I wish I would have learned some coping techniques to dealing with her over-controlling and bossy ways.
Speaking the Control Freaks Language: Identify Their Needs To Neutralize Their Attacks
I admit I am still improving how to deal with bossy people, but this is just at work. I no longer deal with this in a relationship setting. It’s just that it is a Hot Topic for me. So the one thing I find that I do effectively to deal with control freaks is illustrate to them that I have identified their needs. These techniques can be use both in relationships and at work.
How does this neutralize them?
It makes them feel that I am on their side. It also makes them feel like I will work with them not against them. There are multiple ways I have experimented with with this.
Different Ways to Identify a Bossy Spouse’s Needs
Questions
- What is the most important thing for you (in our relationship, to accomplish here at work, that makes you happy?)
Compliments
- Wow! I never would have noticed that. Good catch!
Observations
- You seem so stressed when the kitchen is dirty
Invitations to Express Their Thoughts
- It seems that giving you updates is important? Please tell me more why updates are so important to you.
- Whenever I tell you that I love you it brings a smile to your face? It looks like you would like to hear it more. Please tell me why it’s so important. I thought you knew I loved you.
Combination of Techniques
- Compliment and Invitation to Express Their Thoughts: Wow! You are very good at spotting problems in the business. I never would have noticed that (referring to something they brought up). How do you see these things?
- Observation, Compliment and Question: I’ve noticed it stresses you out when the kitchen is not clean. You are so much better at cleaning the kitchen than I am. What are the most important things to you to keep this place clean
There are a couple managers where I currently work that are definitely control freaks. They won’t let you finish your sentence before butting in, they think they know everything and they micro-manage to the point you feel like it’d be easier just to tie strings around your legs and arms and have them move you around like a puppet.
Isn’t that what they want? No, not really. Their bossiness is just a fear of things falling out of control and becoming chaotic. And the above techniques will help earn their trust if you continue to use them over time.
I use these techniques above with them and I NEVER have problems with them. They see I speak their language and treat me different then the rest of my co-workers. They often give me the benefit of the doubt.
Practice these techniques enough and those dictators in your life should proactively look out for your best interests since they now value you as an ally. You stand out from the rest of the crowd that they feel does not “get them”.
In the case of relationships your spouse will begin to let go of the fear of losing you and seek to please you too.
Is your control freak spouse just needy?
Article I Found.
Check out this great article I found on even more 5 Ways to Deal with Bossy People.
