How to Make Him Love You and Want You
[Part I] 3 Things He Needs to Feel Emotionally Connected, Safe and Truly Happy with You
If I asked all my newsletter subscribers the number one question they’d want to ask, definitely it’d come down to some version of “How to make him love you”
“How can I make a man love me?”
For each woman, it could be at a different relationship stage, but essentially, they want to know what makes a man love and not just like them.
In fact let’s see if you can relate to this scenario?
You find yourself in a relationship with a man who you adore…
… you believe with all your heart he’s the right one and it’s the right relationship, but…
… it sometimes does not feel like he’s fully committed or even happy?
You’re totally into the guy, but it seems like he isn’t totally into you at times.
It’s as if he has one foot in and the other out.
He appears distracted as if to say at any moment he may tell you the dreaded words, “I think we just need to be friends.” Or, “I’m just not happy in this relationship.”
(You might even feel this way in a marriage with your husband.)
Take Tabatha, for example.
Now Tabatha is fictitious, but I want to paint a realistic scenario to see if you can relate.
Tabatha is the frustrated girlfriend with her boyfriend Parker.
She’s quite bewildered and confused.
You see Parker checks off all the items on Tabatha’s ideal boyfriend checklist:
- Handsome (Check!)
- Good job (Check!)
- Nice, friendly parents and siblings (Check!)
- Good with his money (Check!)
- Brings her flowers from time to time (Check!)
- Takes her to nice dinners (Check!)
- And does fun things with her (Check!)
But…
… it’s not enough for her.
Something is missing…
Tabatha Doesn’t Sense that Parker Feels Emotionally Connected to Her
What it feels like instead is that he’s just going through the motions and that she’s just a placeholder in his life- someone just to keep him company.
Ugh!
All those things on the above-mentioned list are great, and she appreciates them, but he doesn’t appear genuinely happy.
All Tabatha can think to herself is, “How can I make him love me?”
She wants to feel it through his expressions and actions.
Even when things in his life don’t go as planned she wants to see that he still feels fulfilled because he has her.
She’s in this for love and wants to feel like she gives Parker a reason to get up in the morning…
… that he misses her throughout the day…
…expresses to her that he needs her in his life…
… that life without her would feel empty, and…
…that she gives him meaning and purpose and in order for him to live a good life it would involve both of them making each other happy.
Bottom line…
She wants him to want her and need her.
When he says, “I love you Tabatha,” she wants to know for sure that he means it.
And here’s the great news…
You CAN have all that.
And chances are that he DOES LOVE you.
But chances are also likely that he IS distracted.
More like FOCUSED on something else in his life.
Grab your free copy of the ebook The Male Mind: Understanding Our Emotional Needs for First Date Success and Beyond ( plus two bonuses) and subscribe to my newsletter Understanding Men Secrets Newsletter.
Become His Prize and Secret Obsession
This will explain one reason, out of a handful, how to flick his “desire-to-commit” switch to make him love you and see you as the “prize-to-be-won”.
We’re going to discuss what he’s FOCUSED on, and what he needs from you in order to ALIGN that focus on what YOU NEED.
And until that happens he will keep feeling distant.
The reason I love and highly recommend that you read relationship coach James Bauer’s His Secret Obsession is that he explains in detail how to trigger a man’s desire to openly express his love and feelings for you.
This is done by understanding your man’s need to feel needed, helpful and useful to you.
I know how this feels first hand because my girlfriend did it to me.
James refers to this as our (in case you didn’t pick up on it, I’m a man) “Hero Instinct“.
Before you leave this page please…
Read my review of His Secret Obsession and pick up your free gift on the page.
Many of the concepts from His Secret Obsession you will find in that review.
I fully endorse those concepts and the actionable techniques to get your man to open up and confess his love in the WAY YOU NEED.
Essentially, as men, we will NOT feel distraction-free, unless we fulfill our perceived assigned roles that society places on us.
You have assigned roles too that society places on you, the girlfriend/wife roles, but they’re different than ours.
We won’t go into those, because I am not an authority on them.
But unless you fulfill your role, you would feel only partially committed and happy in the relationship too.
So, what does he need to feel like he’s doing in order to fulfill his destiny?
The 3 Things that MUST Happen to Make Him Love You and Want You…
…Feel Emotionally Connected, Safe and Truly Happy with You
Now first off, understand what I mention here, is NOT the only thing that jump-starts his confession of love for you.
Rather, without these three elements, he will struggle to feel that you TRULY UNDERSTAND him, have his back and best interests in mind.
For him to get truly comfortable seeing you as “the One”, even if you’re married, he needs to see AND feel that you’re on board with allowing him to freely be the man he wants to be.
So, here we go…
We will only have a chance at being happy in a relationship if our woman does these following three things:
- Cheer us on and is fully on board for us to chase our dreams and achieve our own personal pursuits.
- Accepts his need to perform his roles as a provider, helper, rescuer, fixer, and protector.
- Demonstrates admiration and respect for his desire and need to accomplish the first two things on this list.
He needs to feel useful and needed by you.
This happens if he can fulfill his purpose as a provider, helper, rescuer, fixer, and protector.
He must feel that his efforts are good enough for you and that you won’t try to change him to be something he cannot be, or worse, seek a man who could do more.
This is a huge fear of ours.
Before you click away, please don’t misunderstand me.
This does NOT mean he wants you to stay home and not work.
It does NOT mean that he does not value your strength, in fact, I promise you he’s highly attracted to that.
And when I say “protect” I don’t mean like a Viking, daily fighting off your male suitors with a dual-edged sword and licking his battle wounds.
No.
I am referring to minor ways to fulfill his roles as a provider, helper, rescuer, fixer, and protector.
Without this he feels unnecessary to you.
We think functionally.
This is where the Hero Instinct comes in.
(Again, read my review of His Secret Obsession, to see how it helps you trigger his Hero Instinct to feel connected to you.)
You see Parker loves Tabatha, but he struggles to express it in the way she needs because he wants her to understand his core purpose.
Parker wants Tabatha to understand his way of loving or he will feel like she does NOT need him.
Instead, he will just feel like he’s not good enough for her.
I wish to share a real-life story now.
Grab your free copy of the ebook The Male Mind: Understanding Our Emotional Needs for First Date Success and Beyond ( plus two bonuses) and subscribe to my newsletter Understanding Men Secrets Newsletter.
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He Began to Talk about a Future with Her after She…
This story is one of my own personal ones of how I helped one of my subscribers get her boyfriend to open up and express how much he needed her in his life.
I won’t take full credit, but my suggestions did help open up the emotional flood gates, they eventually got married and she later thanked me for her help and sent me wedding pics.
It moved me so much that I could play a small role in this that it brought tears to my eyes.
(You see?? It made me feel like the HERO. I felt useful).
After a series of emails from one of my subscribers, we’ll call her Sarah, asking for advice on how to flirt and communicate with her boyfriend, she shared similar frustrations as Tabatha (my fictitious character above).
She wanted more too.
They got along well, and he checked off many items on her ideal boyfriend checklist.
But she felt like they could be together long-term because of how compatible they were.
After she answered a few of my questions so that I could get a better idea of what he was feeling, it hit me.
She briefly touched on his career aspirations.
And I could just sense that he was sending her a signal.
He was attempting to communicate what mattered to him, but for one reason or another he didn’t come right out and say it.
Sound familiar?
Men don’t know how to communicate their needs effectively.
Who knew?
Ha, ha.
I gave her an assignment for her to make a few comments to her man that showed that she was on board for him to fulfill the first need listed above…
(To remind you: Cheer us on and are fully on board for us to chase our dreams and achieve our own personal pursuits.)
… just to make sure my hunch was correct.
Well, just as I suspected that’s all he needed to hear from her.
What Sarah’s boyfriend needed was to see that he had her support to chase his dreams and in doing so believe that he could create the lifestyle that they could BOTH celebrate in together.
As she openly expressed her support of his pursuit he began to allude to a future he pictured with her.
This, of course, was his way of saying that she was “the ONE” for him.
For us as men, our relationship with a woman is a total life package experience.
Remember what I said above.
… Again, Our Three MUST-HAVES in a Long-Term Relationship
We will only feel happy in a relationship if our woman does these following three things:
- Cheer us on and are fully on board for us to chase our dreams and achieve our own personal pursuits.
- Accepts his need to perform his roles as a provider, helper, rescuer, fixer, and protector.
- Demonstrates admiration and respect for his desire and need to accomplish the first two things on this list.
He needs to feel useful and needed by you.
(Again, read my review of His Secret Obsession, to see how it helps you trigger his Hero Instinct to feel connected to you.)
Do so and you will unlock his deepest feelings for you join him and support his journey to find his core meaning and purpose.
You must cheer him on his heroic journey and let him see that your happiness is proof and acknowledgement of his achievement.
If you impede this pursuit then he will be stifled and feel emasculated, or at the minimum annoyed and will never truly feel connected because you don’t take his pursuit seriously.
Thus, he feels alone.
He wants to celebrate his successes with you.
In our minds, a man’s successes are the COUPLE’S successes because they help provide a better life for himself, the woman in his life, and his family.
He wants to build a kingdom with you and this ONLY happens by chasing and achieving his personal and career pursuits.
You must join him on this journey or he will think you don’t want him to achieve his dreams.
Therefore, in his eyes, you’re either with him or against him.
If you’d like to learn sample comments, things to do, or questions to ask him so that he feels that you fulfill his role as provider, helper, rescuer, fixer, and protector then I invite you to check out my eBook 3 Principles of Deep Emotional Connection with Your Man for sale.
In my eBook I share actionable steps that pave the way for your boyfriend or husband to openly demonstrate his deep affection for you.
Even if he doesn’t always say it, he will start to take action to show his love (offer help, bring gifts, massage your tired feet or hands.
He just wants to make sure you’re on board with wanting him to be the man he wants to be.
Click here to get more information about 3 Principles of Deep Emotional Connection with Your Man.
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What Does a Man Need to Make Him Love You?
