Husband Sexting Another Woman. Stay with him?
You caught your husband sexting another woman.
Before you beat him over the head with a broom stick take a deep breath and ask yourself this question. Do you really want to CHASE and BEG your cheating husband to love you?
Remember the cartoon Tom and Jerry? Why did Tom have so much trouble catching Jerry? Was it that Jerry was so much smarter? Not really.
Tom was intelligent too. Jerry won because he was always two steps ahead of Tom. Tom was always so preoccupied and focused on the chase he became predictable.
Who followed who?
Tom followed Jerry. That’s the way Jerry wanted it.
This post is not about winning or losing or even chasing, but there are some tips we can get from the philosophy of chasing someone.
Cheating Husband Sexting Stories on the Web
Discovering your husband is cheating feels like being punched right in the stomach. There are thousands of sad stories on the internet about people’s lives being shaken to the core by infidelity. You often catch cheaters on accident- usually wives catch their husband sexting.
The message pops up on the screen while he steps away from the phone. I ran across a few of these cheating husband stories here at www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.
The Recent Story I Read about a Husband Sexting Another Woman
So this loving, caring wife writes about finding herself in a marriage with a habitual lying man. Shortly after marrying him she discovers their house was in danger of going into foreclosure (apparently the house was his to start before they got married and he did not disclose the financial problems he was having).
So who bailed them out of trouble? You guessed it. Her. Then he had a major health scare. Who forked out the money again? Yep, her.
Then she catches her husband sexting one of his younger employees at work including pics of her private parts. It makes me sick thinking other men do this. Why not just confront your wife and express what frustrates you about your relationship? That would be the rational thing to do, but people are not rational or fair. I still get angry at myself for having cheated.
Back to the husband sexting story.
So the betrayed wife writes on that, well, in so many words (from my observation as a man) begs him to stay and humiliates herself by doing whatever she thinks is necessary to MAKE HIM ATTRACTED TO HER again. She dresses sexy, writes love letters, reminds him of all their great moments together and cooks for him amongst other things.
This Story Sure Rings a Bell- My First Wife Catches Her Husband Sexting
Hmm, sounds familiar. Oh, yeah, that’s what my ex did when she caught me. And how did that make me feel?
Like running away as fast as I could. Sorry to tell you that ladies.
Oh, yeah, interestingly enough, my first wife with whom I’m still friends with (because I truly do care) ran face-to-face with marital infidelity again with her second husband. She caught her husband sexting. I was one of the first people she cried to and poured all the details onto.
She accidentally found sexts between her husband and someone at work. And again acting out of panic she tried the appeasing approach with letters, dressing sexy and desperately attempting to MAKE HIM ATTRACTED TO HER again.
It didn’t work. He still wanted to leave and take everything they owned with him AND gain custody of their two boys.
The Bottom Line about Appeasing Your Cheating Husband Sexting Other Women
Tom chased Jerry not the other way around. Jerry was never concerned about what Tom did. Tom was ALWAYS focused on what Jerry did.
The rules are simple. You CANNOT chase your man. It will NEVER work.
Men are NOT attracted to appeasement. Do NOT beg, do NOT plead. This is NOT attractive.
Is he an idiot for cheating? Y-E-S!!
Did he have good reason to cheat? NO! He could have chosen a different way to handle his emotions instead he felt starting over with someone else was the answer.
Unexpected Advice
The ugly truth is NO man, NO person, will make you completely happy, but the right relationship does feel good.
If you want any chance of winning him back then instead of focusing on HIS reaction to what you do you should focus on YOU DO and THINK, specifically on how you look at relationships. So now that you caught your husband sexting another woman do this exercise (write or just think it out).
Caught Your Husband Sexting? Try This Exercise
Identify Those Self-Defeating Thoughts
I came across this extremely helpful exercise that has helped me survive infidelity myself.
Write down those needy thoughts you have for your spouse (emotional dependency)
- I love him so much and I can’t live without him
- I hope I have qualities that he (and men in general) finds attractive
- My life will be a wreck if I lose him (or if I don’t have a man in my life)
Begin to change your destructive self-talk into new ways of thinking and feeling
•From “I love him so much and I can’t live without him,” to “I’ve had many good moments with him, but there are many things that make me happy. I’m strong with or without him.”
•From “I hope I have qualities that he (and men in general) finds attractive” to “Through thick and thin I am willing to make our relationship work. That alone is a quality with much value.”
•From “My life will be a wreck if I lose him (or if I don’t have a man in my life),” to “Yes, it will sting, but I know I will be ok even if he’s not around. But if he’s not willing to get through this tough time with me then he’s not the right one for me anyway and someone out there is better suited for me.”
The Win-Win Situation
It hurts to catch your husband sexting another woman (I caught my wife doing it), especially if you didn’t see any signs of cheating before.
It can be a process, but you must empower yourself to feel strong and that power NEVER comes from another person. It’s a process of shifting your poisonous, self-wounding thoughts into healthy thoughts that not only are true, but put you in control of how you feel.
You can start today. Your husband sexting another woman does not control how you feel. You can make the choice to be in control of your happiness or let someone else do it for you.
So what’s the win-win position?
Once you change your negative way of thinking, you will reap the rewards of feeling strong and in control of your happiness. Here are some of the benefits you will create for yourself:
• You will BELIEVE you have something to offer him (or men in general).
• You will understand relationships are a bonus in life, NOT a must. You will be fine whether you are in one or not.
• He (or men in the future) will be attracted to your confidence. He will love being around you.
• He (or men in the future) will be careful how he treats you because your confidence tells him (them) you do NOT need him (them). He (they) will be afraid the wrong move could scare you off.
• You would not tolerate boyish behavior because you would no longer be dependent on someone else to provide you happiness.
• You would see your husband sexting another woman as a poor lost, wounded soul in search of finding himself. You would either want to help him or get rid of him.
Who really wants to follow a poor, lost soul?
No one. There are many tips to survive the first week after catching your cheating husband.
