Signs of a Lady Killer: Who is a Hedonist or Philanderer?
Who is a hedonist?
What’s the definition?
And what about philanders?
Do they kill your attitude towards finding a soulmate? Or do you choose to stop believing in love?
Hello, this is Orlando, founder of InfidelityFirstAidKit.com, where I offer suggestions and insight to heal from affairs and how to find true love.
A recurring issue pops up in one of my newsletters I run from this site Understanding Men Secrets Newsletter.
Quite frankly it bothers me to the core.
As a man, I can instantly sense it as soon as I observe the signs.
No matter how much advice I offer my female subscribers on how to find true love and seek quality, genuinely-caring men in order to sustain a long-term happy relationship, this ONE issue KILLS my efforts…
…way too often.
It deflates the value of my healthy actionable tips.
Like a knife jabbed into the sidewall of a tire.
What is it?
Relationship-seeking women fall for philandering men’s manipulative tricks.
Then wonder why he disappeared.
The “disappearing act” partly pertains to her inability to get him to chase her, to work to earn her affection and attention, to become the “prize-to-be-won” and to gain the winning psychological advantage that gets him to obsess over her (instead of the other way around).
But in ALL cases, she IGNORES the RED FLAGS of his hedonistic behavior, and worse, the signs and evidence of a phildander.
…the PUAs (pick up artists), the womanizers.
You’ve heard the age-old expression that women say to men who pay them charming compliments, “Oh, I bet you say that to all the women.”
Yes, yes the womanizer does.
But maybe you don’t want to hear it from a guy.
That’s why I decided to bring in a female guest blogger and relationship adviser Agio Arch from LoveSailors.com to share her first-hand view of the womanizer.
And how to defend against them to protect your attitude so you can still believe in finding true love.
Here she goes…
Beware of the Signs of the Hedonist and Philander
By Agio Arch from LoveSailors.com
I know exactly how it feels, to be victimized by a hedonist and a philanderer. Maybe this has happened more than once.
Perhaps you’ve witnessed hedonistic behavior in your life too.
The hedonism definition refers to the pursuit of maximizing pleasure while minimizing suffering.
You never saw through him, and never thought he would exhibit such hedonistic behavior.
He may have felt so close to you. “He must be the right one,” you ponder as you melt away in his arms giving him your heart.
But then reality sets in, and the dream dissipates as you discover the terror that lies beneath.
Now you might think that all men share some sort of hedonistic traits and the #MeToo movement could lead you to believe that if you point at practically any famous male celebrity or politician that you’ll find a philanderer.
Then how could you ever love and trust a male again?
Or is that just the easy way out of seeking love?
You could be giving up at the time the right man comes your way.
The world is fashioned in such a way that a woman needs a man and a man needs a woman. So to live without a man will be a constant struggle with nature, if you would tell yourself the truth.
The best way to win in this is to be smarter than the guys that choose the path of hedonism.
How?
First, consider again that hedonists seek to maximize pleasure while limiting pain then he only values the pleasurable part of you.
Then add in that a philalander is a male who engages in casual sex- a womanizer.
Let’s look for the signs of hedonistic behavior.
You must know that getting into a hedonist man’s mind is not so easy as he could resort to manipulative tricks.
Therefore, in the early stages of after you meet a man…
Get Ready to Spot Hedonistic Behavior:
- Be patient: Do not rush into things; you can only see these signs as time progresses.
- Look out for the signs: Do not just be around him, but be observant and pay attention to every detail that could have been ignored.
- But… do not conclude too quickly: There are few attributes that would warrant you giving him a passing grade, do not be quick to conclude he is not a hedonist or a philanderer because you like certain attributes about him. Keep watching.
- Know when to do what: Do not get over dramatic about your observations in a scenario or two. Letting the cat out of the bag at the wrong time will not give you good results.
Besides if he is truly a hedonist or a philanderer, he may pretend not to be, knowing you are watching him closely.
- Initiate certain things: You have to bring up certain ideas; conversations or actions that would trigger a response.
Check if his responses are questionable. Does it match his claims? Do you see hedonistic signs acted out or displayed in his actions and reactions? Take note.
Now here are the signs of a typical hedonist and philanderer that you would want to look out for if you wish to outsmart him.
Womanizer Speech
First of all, as women, words tend to emotionally move us. We like to hear them well-coated with sugar and spice.
For instance, you probably shutter when you hear “Hey lady, what is your name?” You will probably just walk away, right? Instead, you’d prefer to hear “Hey beautiful, may I have the pleasure of knowing your name?”- spoken like a gentleman.
Men know this.
I remember growing up in the midst of brothers and a lot of male cousins, l saw them practice how to woo a lady, the things they said, the gestures they made.
How they coined their speeches to sweep her off her feet. Men actually take time to master these things.
A male with womanizing and hedonistic behavior is such a professional at this. His use of such words might be a little over the bar, if you are conscious of it, you will notice that.
My Experience with a Womanizer
I met him somewhere at an eatery, I walked in to buy something and on my way out, a dashingly handsome young man just got into my lane and said ‘I had to get in your way’ because you are so beautiful. I said thank you and he asked if I could sit for a drink.
He talked about his prestigious job, all the prestigious places he has been to. I knew he wanted to impress me by presenting himself as someone very important.
When I left, he called me almost every hour, I think that is just too much and too fast. But I answered his calls anyway.
Two days later, he called me and picked me up. Guess what! He drove me straight to his house where he lives alone saying he had to pick something up.
And I said he should pick it up while I wait in the car. He tried to convince me to go in with him but I had sensed something and insisted on not going in with him.
He went in, and in no time he was out. He began to drive. And all through the journey he kept barking about how he feels belittled because I could not trust him enough to step into his house.
He just sounded too bitter about it. Guess where he drove to this time. He drove me back home. I laughed all through and when he pulled over. I simply stepped out of the car and said goodbye. A goodbye he did not respond to. He was really furious.
Would you like to know how many times he called after that? He never called again.
A Less Committed Male Hunter
He shows no sign of commitment. A hedonist will talk so much about the love he has for you but will not show it in his actions.
His words seem to be the opposite of his actions, or he talks more and acts less.
He makes a lot of promises and does not keep them,the first ones to notice at the early stage are:
- He stands you up often
- Does not call or text when he promises to
- Ghosts you often.
Truly, a hedonist and a philanderer male will not be thinking about you, he probably would remember you when he wants to have fun again and he sees you on his list.
How do you know that he doesn’t have a wife or maintains secret dating profiles or social media accounts to play around with other women?
Get these details about a guy if you suspect he’s a philanderer with a background check with Instant Checkmate (a leader in catching cheaters or players). (Note: this service only offered in the US)
He makes promises he can’t keep.
A Philanderer Attitude
He just seems to flirt all the time, with you or maybe another beautiful lady around.
You are likely to catch him lost in a stare when another beautiful lady comes around.
He cannot seem to ignore the sight of another pleasure avenue.
And if you give him a little space, you may find him with the lady you saw him staring at.
[Related Article: Why Women Easily Get Heartbreaks]
Ignoring Details
A male who avoids giving you in-depth details about himself and does not care to know much about you. Look out!
He does not care about your dreams, visions, career or interests. He does not ask and is less concerned when you talk about it.
Here is another one, he pretends to care but does not remember what you said about it the next time you mention it.
He is not looking to get serious nor does he want to waste time so why would he bother with details?
This is a serious red flag and should not be ignored
Avoids Getting Too Personal
If he does not let you meet his friends and family members and does not want to meet yours this could be a sign.
Of course, you should not expect that from anyone if you just met.
If you have been seeing each other long enough and he is not interested in meeting those associated with you. Watch it!
If he prefers to meet you in other places other than his home. Again. Watch it!
Men Who Display Hedonistic Behavior Cannot Wait to Get You Under the Sheets
You may also get carried away by his words or his charisma, fashion, mannerism, looks, etc.
And you would really like to give in because you cannot wait as well.
Now let me tell you what works. You have to fully activate your self-control.
A hedonist is going to do all he can to bed you: talk about sex, tell you how gorgeous your body looks, spend his money to impress you, etc. Just stand through it.
Letting him in so quickly may just send him away because he got what he wanted already, and may not bother to see if you possess anything else.
You should know that all that attention to fashion, sweet words and show of charisma is calculated hedonistic behavior.
You must know that ninety percent of the time a male meets a woman he only sees a pleasure field.
It is your responsibility to make him see that is not all there is about you.
Defense Against the Philandering Hedonist
When you take it really slow with a male,you are keeping his interests on you and two things are likely to happen.
- He gets pissed and gives up on you. Only an unrepentant hedonist will do this. It is not very likely that he will give up.
- He gets patient and hopes to keep trying to get what he wants.
This is what the waiting time does for you as a woman..
- It gives you the opportunity to show him the other things about you that he can stick to.
- It also gives him the opportunity to look where he was not looking, which is your personality.
- He could change his view of you and what he wants from you
- It also brings about a surer bond without sex.
Conclusion How to Deal with a Hedonistic Men or Straight Up Philanderers
A male hedonist or philanderer should not make a woman give up on love. if you do, you would only lose out on greater opportunities in the future . So just get wiser.
It is true that some standing relationships emanated from flings but it is not wise to bank your hopes on that because it is a low probability. Just do what you have to, for your long-term happiness.
Meet the Author
Agio Arch from LoveSailors.com
I am a relationship and marriage adviser. Mostly helping young women discover and use their feminine strength to find and keep their relationships as well as being happy in them. Check out my top blog posts:
