(Stop Obsessive Thoughts) How to Overcome the Pain after His Affair
How would it feel to stop obsessive thoughts and the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness …
...as you attempt to re-route or re-align your life with your internal “GPS” system after your husband‘s affair?
Hello this is Orlando and I run this blog, I launched it back in early 2014, a few months after catching my now ex-wife cheating twice.
If you have visited before then you know my infidelity story and my experiences on both sides of affairs and what I’ve learned from them
- How to spot affairs
- How to avoid them
- The best ways to reconnect with your spouse
- How to move on alone to find purpose and not feel all was lost
- And how to regain your composure and identity
After all, most of us seek tranquility and a sense of predictable security, which gets shattered (momentarily) after an affair.
Relating to Someone Else’s Affair Experience…
Every now and then I come across a fellow blogger whose content resonates with me.
I found such a blogger named Michael Fulmer from theInfidelityTrap.com who experienced affairs firsthand like me and you.
And from that experience found the motivation to create content in a program to help betrayed wives stop obsessive thoughts and regain a sense of composure and peace.
In fact, Michael invites you to check out this series of powerful affair survival tips that have helped numerous wives like yourself to get past the pain of their husband’s affair.
Just a Regular Person Who Cares
One reason visitors and subscribers enjoy my blog is that I am just a regular person who’s gone through the same experience as you have, or something similar.
And from that, all of my material comes straight from my heart as I take my best shot at helping both you and me understand what caused the affair in the first place and what we can do about it to protect ourselves.
My visitors know that I care and I only wish that I could do more.
This is the same feeling I get when I read Michael’s emails and blog posts.
And because of this connection that I felt with his words I reached out to him and decided to invite him to do an interview.
At the end of this article, Michael was gracious enough to offer a unique set of gifts just for you my visitors.
He also has a premium accelerated, but paid-for program that you can decide on later to take advantage of.
I’d highly recommend at least to check out the complimentary resources first to get familiar with his style of expression and advice.
Onto the interview…
Interview with theInfidelityTrap.com’s Michael Fulmer Creator of “Unfazed”
An Email Course How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts after Your Husband’s Affair
Orlando from Infidelity First Aid Kit (me): Tell me about your program UNFAZED.
Michael – Creator of “UNFAZED”:
Thank you for asking Orlando. And thank you for finding me on the internet and inviting me to do this interview.
I created UNFAZED to help women restore their sanity following the affair and to stop obsessive thoughts that they struggle with like paranoia and trust issues.
It’s a unique program. Not sure there’s anything else out there like it.
UNFAZED is where I share uncommon answers to painful questions that arise post-affair.
Questions like:
– How do I trust again and what if I can’t? (I have an unusual answer…)
– How do I stop thinking about his affair?
– I’m worried I can’t forgive him… what if I can never forgive or forget, or be happy again? (and more.)
It also addresses a major flaw found in all relationships (the discovery of which became the catalyst for the program.)
In truth, it’s a program like no other. It’s tough to convey the experience of going through it…
It’s actually designed so each person who goes through it moves closer to the state of being an imperturbable (serene, relaxed) human being.
Which may sound odd!
I should also mention this program, designed to stop obsessive thoughts, is delivered entirely through emails to your inbox, over a 6+ week period.
These “little” emails arrive in your inbox, nudging you to soak-up uncommon ways to view all your current and old problems.
Part of what makes this unique.
But wow, hearing their pain and anguish really got to me.
Orlando: Michael what motivated you to create UNFAZED?
Michael from UNFAZED:
It was an organic process.
It all began when I woke up one day to the fact that three of the four marriages in my family had ended in divorce.
Three divorces, FOUR affairs.
Around this time I was reading psychology books because I was —and am— interested in what makes us “tick.”
So I directed my energy to the topic of infidelities.
I should also mention I was newly married at the time. So I was a bit fearful my own marriage would end the same!
Anyway. From that research, I soon got to writing about affairs and sharing my thoughts online.
To cut a long story short, I ended up discussing my findings with affair victims —mostly women— and ended up helping them where I could.
But wow, hearing their pain and anguish really got to me.
So, on one day in particular… I was contemplating *why* affairs hurt as much as they do.
And I made a big discovery.
Well, it was to me…
It was a paradigm-shifting moment.
But, what about for others?
I decided I had to find out…
So I shared my findings with my small tribe (mostly women.)
And from there, I began to explore this discovery further, looking at ways to minimise or contain a FLAW we all have (which greatly contributes to the pain we experience after an affair.)
As I did so, I uncovered interesting —uncommon— ways to deal with the fallout of an affair (problems like low self-esteem, TRUST issues, obsessive thoughts, etc.)
All the major pain points we are left with post-affair.
Well, this work ended up becoming an email course because this was how I was always communicating with my audience anyway.
Back then, I called the prototype program, “The Pursuit of Happiness.” And “TPH” became a hit within my small tribe.
It was then I knew I was on to something.
So after that, I took things up a few notches. Developing a more comprehensive version of the program…
And that?
Became Unfazed.
…one day in particular… I was contemplating *why* affairs hurt as much as they do.
And I made a big discovery.
Orlando: Why did you create a program designed to stop obsessive thoughts for women?
Michael from UNFAZED:
At the time I made it, I was running a website which drew more women than men.
And, my message resonated especially well with that audience. So things grew organically in that direction.
The lessons are universal, though. As a result, I may create a men’s version someday.
Orlando: After a woman discovers her affair what do you recommend she do and not do?
Michael from UNFAZED:
First, when you discover the affair, you are in trauma. Literally. And you should really know that so you can do what traumatised people do.
Are you eating, sleeping, and taking care of yourself?
But you know…
While I would love to tell you, “don’t do X, do Y…” some of what goes down after discovering the affair —in the fallout— is just going to happen regardless (much like trying to stop a sneeze or not blink when a fly dives into your face.)
Be open to that. And, be compassionate with yourself.
Your biology is going to do its thing whether you like it or not. And the more you appreciate and understand what that is, the less scary it will be.
Of course, as soon as you can, take a BIG step back from it all and gather your supporters together. Don’t take this on alone.
But yes. It’s going to change your life forever, and I feel deeply sorry for anyone going through it.
One last thing…
Try and not break the law if you can (destroying his property is so tempting, but the law is the law…)
Orlando: What challenges does a cheating husband face to earn back his wife’s trust?
Michael from Unfazed:
We all know trust is easy to lose, hard to gain.
When you betray the most significant person in your life, expect your word to be challenged every step of the way.
If you are sincerely regretful and genuinely committed to making it work, be prepared to be treated as guilty when innocent (and understand your wife is being rational to doubt you.)
The fact is, the people who betray us, often *appear* to do and say the same things as those who don’t betray us.
So, patience is key.
Of course, then there is the reason that you cheated in the first place. Which potentially reveals a number of challenges in itself.
If you fail to address the cause, you may cause yourself to fail again.
“Know Thyself” springs to mind…
Orlando: Michael, what would you say are good signs that a married couple can survive the affair together?
Michael from Unfazed:
Well, it’s hard to be optimistic if the cheater lacks remorse.
A shared vision is also important. To *want* the same things.
It’s going to be a tough journey. But, if you both want the same thing, you are far more likely to make it.
Of course, you want to see appropriate action taken to tackle the cause of the affair.
For example, if he has a sexual addiction, is he doing the same things people in recovery do?
If he has a character or personality issue, is he doing what people with psychological issues do?
And, if the relationship itself was dysfunctional, are you both doing the kind of work that relationships-in-recovery do?
It’s going to be a tough journey. But, if you both want the same thing, you are far more likely to make it.
Affiliate Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links that earn me a commission if you purchase a product. I only receive commissions for products I recommend that I believe offers my visitors a suitable solution or resolution.
Orlando: If someone decided to leave their relationship, what would you recommend they do to believe in love again?
Michael from Unfazed:
Love is a broad concept.
Perhaps explore and deepen the *other* forms of love.
For example, your love for family, for friends, for passion, and for yourself.
Crucially, could you love yourself more?
But…
**Be in no hurry for romantic love.**
Be open-minded. But don’t force it.
Accept whatever resistance you have *to* love. Sit with it. It is but a moment in your life…
Despite what you may feel, your past is not who you are. You are what you choose going forward…
The choices you make in the here and now are yours to make.
So, be open about that.
Orlando: Michael if my visitors or subscribers want to get a hold of your material, what do you recommend they do?
Michael from Unfazed:
I’ve actually created a *tiny* email-series exclusively for your female audience on how to stop obsessive thoughts, called “Imperfectly OK.”
It’s free.
==>[Click here] to get my free “Imperfectly OK” email series.
And those who sign-up also get a discount on UNFAZED if they want it.
But wait, there’s more! (I’ve always wanted to say that…)
But seriously: I’ll also gift your visitors with a PDF called, “The Thinking Trap” which I’ve never given away before for free.
This is a short PDF —2436 words to be exact— revealing a secret everybody should know but frightfully few do.
==>[Click here] to get both the email series “Perfectly OK” and the PDF “The Thinking Trap”
