True Infidelity Stories: My Responses to Your Emails
My subscribers write to me from time to time, open up their hearts and tell me their true infidelity stories.
These real-life situations will remind you that you are not alone.
Of course, you can read my infidelity story and why I started this blog.
They arrive from all over the world from every continent.
In many cases the family faced other traumatic experiences like death to a child or parent.
Everyone who has written me does so for different reasons.
Some just want someone on the outside to talk to and others look for advice.
Feel free to leave a comment at the bottom if you relate to the stories.
I started with this just this one email which I received recently and will add more of my responses moving forward.
If you’d like to email me with your story fill out the form below. I do not include the names of the people who sent them.
I don’t even publish what they wrote me, instead I summarize what they sent.
And I ALWAYS respond fast, within 24 hours, usually within 2-3 unless you write from the other side of the world in a different time zone while I am asleep.
The only reason I ask for the name in the form below is so that I can respond to you in a conversational way.
Again your name will NOT appear in my published response.
Send Me Your True Infidelity Stories Here…
[contact-form][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” required=”true” /][contact-field label=”Website” type=”url” /][contact-field label=”Message” type=”textarea” /][/contact-form]
“My Husband is a Serial Cheater”
I received this email today actually and summarized the headline.
This type of email I get fairly often from wives whose husbands fully support them financially, travel on business and have an addiction to sleep with other women, often times much younger.
They almost always have kids.
The poor, broken-hearted wives write me feeling helpless and hopeless.
It always kills me to read them.
All they want is the normal life they see other families have: a happy home life with their kids and husbands, but instead any moment of happiness is short-lived as they catch their disloyal husbands soon after.
They run into the heart-crushing surprise of naked pics of women that pop up on their husbands phones in a mile-long text conversation or a mutual friend relays the horrific news of the affair.
Time and time again the husbands beg for mercy, promise they will never do it again, but cannot break the serial cheating addiction.
Here’s my response to this recent email…
I am honored and touched that my emails help you get through the pain.
It hurts me to read what you wrote.
First, your age wouldn’t stop someone from loving you.
I can tell you from first hand experience that what matters in the end is a woman’s inner core personality.
How she treats a man and makes him feel special, interesting and loved.
Nothing feels better than when a woman adores a man and sees him as a source of energy and happiness.
It certainly sounds like your husband provides you the things that make you happy, that’s why you stick by him.
At the same time when you say, “I am not young anymore” it indicates that you have considered finding someone else or that you fear fending for yourself.
I know it can be scary to go alone and maybe not everyone is in the position financially or has a support group, like family or friends somewhere to live for a bit.
I was forced to go single, she left.
That’s when the blog went full force.
The Fork in the Road
I think we all want a safe option to choose from when staring at a fork in the road.
We want at least one road that stands in front of us to be smooth with lots of pretty scenery.
That way we can avoid the one with potholes, rocks, that winds through a dark forest and then over a scary, creaky, old bridge that may collapse above the cold, strong current river below.
BUT…
…it’s inevitable that in life we find ourselves in situations when both roads lead through rough spots.
It won’t be a smooth ride.
I don’t know your exact situation, but I’m guessing it’s something like option a) figure out a way to stand up for yourself and face your husband head on in way that he respects you and seeks help to stop his serial cheating or deal with the reality that he will never stop or option b) move on alone even though that path may not be clear.
Neither option promises a happy ending, but one thing is for sure…he has continued to cheat and probably will keep doing it and breaking your heart if you don’t find a way to get him to stop.
Any happy moment you live may follow up with heartbreak when you find out he found someone yet again.
Addictions
No explanation, no sensible reason, just that some people get caught in a trap of addiction to a feeling that relieves temporary tension.
For some people it’s alcohol, others it’s playing or watching sports, some it’s gambling and the feeling of getting lucky, some get hooked on traveling, others playing video games, and others the sense of being worshiped by the opposite sex and conquering someone’s heart.
So no matter how well we treat someone, no matter how much we think that we are supposed to comprise of a team, no matter how much we love someone, life is life and people will be people and they will act unpredictably and justify why they do what they do to fulfill their own needs.
I recommend a reading for you.
Check out the book “The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship” by Don Miguel Ruiz
This is one of the healthiest, most comprehensive, open-minded readings to understand love and protect yourself from disappointment I have come across.
You are a sweetheart.
Don’t forget it. You deserve love.
Orlando
InfidelityFirstAidKit.com
“I Married a Serial Cheater Who Left Me with Debts, Assaulted Me…
…and then moved in with his 15-years-older lover”
You can’t make this stuff up.
One thing I have noticed from all my emails is that the true infidelity stories almost are too hard to believe.
It’s like if you tried to make the stories up they’d sound more true than the actual real-life ones.
This subscriber shared with me how her serial cheating husband of 26 years in Australia blew money she personally invested, hurt her physically and eventually left her for a woman no where near as attractive as her.
This is common. That cheaters seek someone less attractive who does not intimidate them.
She has gone through many health battles (cancer, blood clots and brain surgery) and then the affair and now relayed to me that she lives in peace on her own in a beautiful beach town on the coast of Australia.
After reading the first response on this post she filled in the form and shared her story and then even gave me permission to publish it here.
Then read my response after.
Subscriber’s Response to the First of the True Infidelity Stories on this Page
“Yes this happened to me to. My husband of 26 years is a serial cheater. I wanted to save our marriage, he didn’t this time, moved straight in with the affair partner. Cutting blow after everything I did for our family, the money invested, he left me with all the debts to clear up, then assaulted me to boot. So now the courts are handeling everything. He will be one very sorry cheating husband that’s for sure now. The many times I forgave him for his numerous affairs, he has been with it for over 2 years now & continues to cheat on her to, it’s comical, as she had rung me, txt me several times wondering how to handle him. I’ve told her I want nothing to do with her, it’s her problem now, she cheated with him, that’s the price you pay. I’ve told her to stay away from my children & grandchildren, I told her that her & my x husbands immoral behaviour in front of my children & grandchildren will not be tolerated by me, I didn’t bring them up that way, they do not need to be damaged any further by this filth, so I moved my family some 300 kilometres away.”
“I was so distraught for the first 2 years, & of course made all the silly mistakes, begging, pleading, crying for him to come back to our family, all fell deaf ears, pushed him further away & closer to her. He even assaulted me on two occasions. We don’t speak at all now, He used me, abused me & when he realised I wouldn’t take it any more he fucked off to the next best thing, I finally realised why would I want a cheating lying man back in my life, psychologically & physically damaging me, my children & my grandchildren with the numerous affairs he had.
I wished I hadn’t waisted those two years now.”
“The only comfort I get now from realising my entire life was a lie & a joke. It that the ap is ugly & old 15 years older then him, everybody laughs & jokes about them behind their backs. She is not pleasant to look at, whining voice. It’s like a nightmare come true. I usually don’t put labels on anyone, but there is no understanding from our entire family why he shacked up with her, One of the main reasons I moved so far away. That has not come from a place of jealousy either, I said I have spoken with it a few times. It had no redeeming qualities at all, which I tend to look for in everyone. I wanted to see or hear the reasons he chose her over our 26 year marriage & family. All it did was confirm what everyone had been saying about her.”
“I know I might sound a little bitter, i sacrificed so much for x husband, now only realising how much, 50 years old now wasted the best years of my life with someone who treated me like a fool. Didn’t really love me at all & used me for everything I was willing to give.”
“2.5 years on I’m finally starting to love me again, hopefully one day in the future, I can meet someone that knows how to love properly, I really don’t want to see him ever again, I hope our paths never cross because I have nothing but hatred in my heart towards him. Selfish self centred person that only ever cared about himself, that’s obvious by the way he treats our children & grandchildren.”
“He can treat me like a dog, I can handle that, but the kids & grandkids. That’s where I draw the line.
I really do hope he stays away from me, I don’t ever want to see him again, no apology, nothing will negate what he had done to me & my family this time.
Once a cheater always a cheater this is living proof.”
And my response…
Wow, you have been through a lot. I remember our previous emails.
I don’t think any of my subscribers have been through more challenges than you.
Definitely one of the most unbelievable true infidelity stories I have come across, but all are unbelievable and unfortunate.
You’ve got to be one of the strongest women I have met.
I commend you.
I love the fact that you moved far away and made a new life for yourself.
And yes while it does rile me up to think about the affair too, I think we both agree that we cannot let that experience take away from re-routing our lives and finding new meaning.
I say, “Cheaters can take our relationships away, but not our lives.”
Affair Survival does not have to mean that you stayed married and lived happily ever after together.
It could mean you found a new life on your own or even someone new who appreciated who you are and does not fear communicating their needs to you.
Thank you for inviting others to email you and ask you questions.
Thank you for your time in reading and commenting. Yes, I agree with what you said. Therefore, we should remember these exact words before we criticize or condemn a man or woman whose committed adultery right? We need to remember that an action causes a reaction. In every aspect of our life, we will have challenges of one extent or the other. I believe that growth may be behind all our bumpy trials.
Would you mind sharing your opinion on “Open Relationships” ?
I sense that this is a fragile topic for you. Would you mind sharing with me what’s on your mind first? I will be able to give you a more thorough response then.
Good Evening Orlando,
Perhaps I do have sensitivity to the matter of passing judgement too quick. See I was the only girl and the youngest, among a total of 14 boys, having 4 Brothers and 10 Male Cousins. Unfortunately my brothers and I were adopted because at my young age of three years old – My father (do not know if biologically) Killed our Beautiful Mother beating the crap out of her first. She ran out of the vehicle, he ran after her, dragged her by her hair back into the car, scraping the skin off her legs and then in the car decided to shoot at her knee so that he can continue beating her to death. Meanwhile this poor woman had four children by themselves at home. Nonetheless, he ended up placing the gun in her crotch shot her and then in her mouth. Cops had been called over and hour and fifteen minutes but they were in between shifts and were not able to make it to her in time. Of course, he shot himself. Why did he do this? Because “Some family member” of his told him, my mother was cheating. This information I cannot be certain but it is what I have investigated and was revealed to me. He was an Alcohol/ Drug Addict. She left him countless of times and he would stalk her track her and would abuse her endlessly, my siblings and I remember the numerous domestic violence incidents. Its a shame that this is my only vivid memory of my parents.
Secondly, My 2nd to the oldest brother had wife #1 and wife #3 cheat on him. He cheated on his wife #2 with wife #3.
My 3rd to the oldest brother married at 18 yrs old and continuously cheated on his pregnant wife #1. Countless of times and she finally busted him, with who became wife #2. Ten years later, allegedly wife #2 cheats on him.
I did not allow my brothers to sit and talk about their wives or ex-wives in a negative manner. I told both my brothers that 8 out 10 times I believe women or men have circumstances that lead to the infidelity. Of course, at that moment each placed themselves as victims of their spouses infidelity. Leaving out all the real issues that caused love to dwindle away. As I told them that however Good or Bad these said individuals were that they didn’t have a problem laying down with them then, then the least they could do was show enough respect to keep their traps quiet and instead to take some time alone to recap year by year and to acknowledge all the struggles that they truly had. To acknowledge that an action causes a reaction. Tasting your own medicine was no fun. My belief is that I am not Jesus. It is not my place to Condemn, Criticize, or Judge an individual. This is where I learned that there were three sides to every story. What He Says, What She Says and What Actually took place.
I kept myself out their personal business. My only involvement was to be a positive influence and to be the Aunt I am so Blessed to be to my nieces and nephews.
An “open relationship” means that you and your partner give each other permission to have sex with other people outside of the relationship. My opinion is that is playing with fire. There are many unpredictable things that could happen and cause lots of emotional harm as well as potential domestic violence.
My thoughts may be a bit cold but its my honest thoughts. To begin with I believe there are 3 sides to every story. What He said, what She said and what really happened. In almost that I read, I did not read not one positive attributes about her husband. Thats already a red flag , making me wonder, hmm what kind of wife were you? Like really. I have a feeling a nagging, couldn’t get over shit and dragged your kids in it. She still is. Saying she never wants to see him again, she hates him, blah blah blah. If she knew he was a serial cheater then why didn’t she leave after the second mistake. What’s that saying that says, 1st time its a shame it happened, 2nd time its shame on him, but after the 3rd time thats shame on you for allowing it. Men will treat a woman as far as the woman let’s him. Seems that the reason she still not with him becauae he left her for that other woman whom she describes not to be good looking. Well who knows maybe she nagged less, or perhaps she gave him good bjs. Who knows but regardless don’t belittle an individual because your eyes can’t see their attractiveness. It sounds immature and Jealous.
Don’t use children as an object to manipulate a person. Children should not even be involved in their parents business anyways. Keep them mentally and emotionally healthy. So it didn’t work out as a couple, make it work out in coparenting.
I applaud you for the courage of bringing up that are indeed multiple sides of the story. What happens today is a result of what happened yesterday. How we feel today is a result of the events that led up to today. Nothing happens just because. People don’t just suddenly have a change of heart for no reason.
Hi Orlando,
I would like to re-address and discuss an Open Relationship.I have been with my husband 26 years. That’s right 26 years therefore my thoughts, comments and opinions will derive from true event experiences.
What are the Pros and Con’s of having an Open Relationship?
Hello,
Thank you for your comment.
I take it that you mean you are considering entering an open relationship. While sounding enticing for some people I do think that there are considerable risks, but this could be an entire blog post, so I will keep it brief. I think we can all figure out what the possible PROs would be so let’s look at the CONs- the entanglement of emotions and lost trust that could result.
This list could go on, I’d prefer to write a blog post on it then to continue here.
That is NOT to say that it could not work for some, for example, the swinger community. I am pretty sure that it works fine for some of them. My bet is that they are able to compartmentalize the sex with their lover from the emotional connection they feel towards their partner. (They can separate lust from love).
However, when you consider how messy and complex people’s feelings can get, you must consider the risk, including possible violence if someone along the way gets super jealous. Or simply just crushing your partner’s feelings.
So, what does that mean for someone who wants more in their sex life, who wants a more enjoyable experience than what they’re getting, plus the thought that this could be “as good as it gets” forever?
That is one tough question. But I would imagine it begins with a discussion between the couple to determine what each one wants sexually? What’s missing? Also, discuss if they feel shamed into restricting their sexual desires? That’s a major problem too. If one partner’s sexual desire is stronger than the other’s then how do you handle it?
This is a great topic that I should research. Thank you for bringing it up.
What are your thoughts?
Please don’t hold back because I promise you that there are many people on both sides that fear to talk about it, but it needs to be talked about. Our feelings cannot be suppressed.
Looking forward to your reply.