4 Types of Cheating in Relationships: Catch or Stop Them?
There are many types of cheating.
People cheat for different reasons or in all kinds of different ways.
The types of cheating in this post are not the only kinds, just the ones I wanted to focus on because I see them occur to my subscribers.
They don’t consist of one-time betrayals of sex at a hotel during a business trip or escaping around the corner for a make-out session at a holiday party.
The motivation and situations behind why someone crosses the line and cheats also makes up a long list.
Serial cheating, emotional cheating, micro-cheating, digital cheating, no matter the types of cheating, they all hurt.
Who am I? And Suggestions to Recovery from Discovering Cheating
My name is Orlando. I run this blog and have been on both sides of cheating.
You can read my infidelity story here.
One strategy that I recommend to get over cheating is to understand a cheater’s mindset. It helps to study the different types of cheating so that you understand the reasons behind the choice to do it.
It can help to heal from the pain too once you understand that it is not your fault for the affair because a cheater deals with their own internal problems.
From there consider the most constructive steps to confront your cheating partner or spouse.
And then decide what YOU WANT to do.
Listen, you probably do NOT know what you want right now.
Because you’re living through all the emotions that come with discovering the cheating.
BUT later you could feel different.
And regardless, you won’t know what you want until you have more information, particularly what THEY want, what happened and can you trust that they will keep the best interests of the relationship in mind.
Tips to Catch Different Types of Cheating and Survive an Affair
Check out these posts of mine
(Free eBooks for Catching Cheaters or Surviving Affairs)
- Download my free eBook Top Secret Cheating Spouse Report to get hard evidence of all types of cheating (fast)
Download one of my free affair survival eBooks:
Consider running a background by the best in the industry Truthfinder to uncover evidence that could indicate an affair
The Most POWERFUL Tip to Survive an Affair
In the end, YOU must decide your affair survival route.
This could mean leaving or staying.
But YOU get to choose.
And in the event that your partner leaves, then they made the choice easy for you.
Focus on the healthiest choice based on the circumstances.
Do not lock into one outcome that you want just because it feels good in the moment.
It might not be the best choice in the long run.
You cannot force love, either way, to fall in love and start a relationship or to keep someone in it who does not want to.
And no matter what someone says they want you know if they can give you what you need.
Either way, it’s your decision.
Do NOT sit around and wait for the other person to decide and put your mental health depend on their decisions.
Give it time.
Get the information.
Observe their response and the action steps they make.
And once you know what you want- act on it.
Let’s look at four types of cheating:
4 Types of Cheating in Relationships Your Partner Might Commit Now (or Do Again)
Can You Stop Them from Cheating?
1. Serial Cheating
Of all the types of cheating that you should fear the most, this is the one.
Many of my subscribers email me with the serial cheater signs below.
What makes serial cheating so scary is that it stems from factors that are very challenging to fix (at least without help) such as character and personality flaws, lack of values or any kind of moral compass.
Check out my popular post on serial cheaters
Does your partner or spouse show any of these signs of being a serial cheater?
- Use dating apps or websites
- Frequent bars or nightclubs looking for casual sex
- On business trips meet women (or men) on dating apps for casual sex
- Or on business trips hooks up with women (or men)
- Subscribe to webcam girl videos
- Text other women (or men) frequently
- Admit to cheating, claim they want to stop, but still cheat
- Tell you they have a “fear of commitment”
- Disappear for days or weeks at a time
- Diagnose themselves as “sex addicts”
- Make up strange excuses to explain their whereabouts
- Routinely stop answering their phone (or don’t respond to texts) for hours on end
- Turn their phone off for long periods of time
- GPS trackers or their “Find My Iphone” app places them at strange residential addresses or motels ROUTINELY
- Has lots of “friends” who you don’t know
Chances Serial Cheaters Stop Cheating
Very Unlikely
Many serial cheaters wouldn’t even say that they’re the ones with the problem, instead they’d likely blame you.
Or they justify their behavior. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cheaters-use-cognitive-tricks-to-rationalize-infidelity/
I’ve seen cases where the serial cheater gets angry at their spouse for wanting to talk about the affair.
They suggest to their ailing spouse to just move on and get over it.
The serial cheater normally feels little remorse and feels they deserve to have affairs. https://infidelityfirstaidkit.com/empathy-narcissism/
What would Make a Serial Cheater Stop?
Admitting they have a problem and WANTING to change.
But how likely will a serial cheater change?
That they have deep emotional issues that can ONLY get resolved with the help of a professional psychologist who specializes in individual and couples’ therapy.
The serial cheater faces a mountain of a challenge.
They must WANT relief and help to get it.
2. Emotional Cheating
(this section will help you if you think you might be caught in an emotional affair)
Emotional cheating involves an attachment to someone through a feeling of connection but not of physical touch, at least at the time being.
This is one of the types of cheating that could erupt into a physical affair, as this is how many affairs start.
From my experience in my own poor choices that led to an affair in a past relationship and with friends, no one plans to commit emotional cheating.
Because they do not anticipate trespassing relationship boundaries.
“We’re just friends. Nothing is going to happen.”
But yet, it does.
Meeting someone, by chance, who lends an empathetic ear who seems to just “get you” and care for your ailing heart suddenly seems more attractive than before.
And they move from “just that person in the office” to “friend” and then your feelings begin to intensify.
Next, you cannot stop thinking about them.
You can’t wait to see them the next day at work.
Then you exchange numbers.
Text each other.
Meet for lunch.
Give each other a ride to their car.
Talk in the car for a half-hour.
Then an hour.
You just hit it off.
Maybe you are just meant to be together you think.
Next, you meet outside of work “just for coffee”.
But you stare at each other with those “puppy-dog eyes” thirsting to lock lips.
You’re hooked.
Your emotions skyrocket and it feels like you both returned to your teenage years.
This IS extremely difficult to WANT to stop.
I know.
Because I’ve been there.
The best way to avoid an emotional affair is to identify boundaries.
Know when you get close to crossing them.
Then turn and walk away.
If you are the one who fears that you’ve fallen in love, then check out my signs of an emotional affair:
- You can’t wait to see them.
- You think about them while in the presence of your current partner and miss them.
- Feelings of jealousy that they might love or meet someone else.
- Sending or asking them personal questions to learn more about them (but you don’t do this with anyone else).
- Going out of your way to see them or finding a reason to do so.
- Giving them a pet name (nickname)
- Sharing inside jokes with them
- Calling them your “work husband/wife”
- Sharing personal information with them about your relationship or partner
- Feeling like you just “GET EACH OTHER”
- Spending lunchtime together at work
- Communicating outside of work and engaging in personal matters
- Not telling your partner about your “friendship” with this person
- You begin to fantasize about them
- As you look at your partner you get upset and then daydream about being with the other person
- Feeling in a good mood and laughing whenever you’re around them
- Feeling sorry for their life or relationship troubles and intently listening (especially when you do not consider yourself a good listener)
- Finding them extremely attractive and consistently looking at their pics in their social media profiles
- Taking selfie pics together
- Denying to others that you like each other when someone asks you
I could keep going.
You feel like I can read you mind, right?
I can.
Because remember, I said I’ve been through this.
Chances Emotional Cheaters Stop Cheating
Likely, but Depends
On what?
Many factors.
Do you have any mutual friends close to the situation that you share with your partner?
How likely will someone warn your partner?
In other words, do you have any REAL obstacles that would prevent you from going any farther?
How easy is it to contact them or see them?
The easier it is the more difficult you will find it to resist the temptation.
Do you already sexually desire this person?
If so, then you probably have already gone too far.
My bet is that you’ve already shared too many intimate details with them about your relationship with your partner.
Listen, I am not here to tell you what decision is right, wrong, healthy or not, BUT…
What do you actually expect to happen?
Do you FEAR this going too far?
And do you actually think that you are INCAPABLE of cheating?
It’s your life, but entering an affair has LASTING effects on your life and MANY other people.
YES, they might look like “the ONE”, but didn’t your current partner look that way in too in the beginning.
My suggestion…
STOP believing in “the ONE” and realizing, at least, the possibility that the difficult SITUATION in your relationship (and perhaps life) make it EASY to fall for someone else.
How Could You Stop an Emotional Affair?
Fear the worst.
STOP thinking “There’s no way I would ever cheat.”
Some would say you already are cheating.
“No, I’m not cheating,” you’re thinking.
Would you tell your partner about what you’re doing or hide it?
Do you admit that you like this other person (for more than friends) or deny it?
Crossing the next line into a full-blown affair will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Fear it.
Stop playing with fire.
Check out this book about how people with NO INTENTIONS of cheating ended up in an affair titled When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships
Trust me I realize that it can feel complicated.
My first marriage became quite toxic and combative. My spouse often went too far and said things that even to this day still upset me (we’ve been divorced for over 15 years).
I am not here to judge you because I did cheat, but I have also been on the “other side”.
And it may not be what you think.
You can also check out this article about people who crossed the line and took things further than an emotional affair.
But I highly recommend the book above. You will identify with a few of the stories for sure.
3. Micro-Cheating
A guest blogger did a post for me a while back about micro-cheating. (link)
And quite frankly the topic interests me because it refers to interactions that technically most would not classify as cheating, but hover right on the border.
Instead, the micro-cheater commits “borderline” inappropriate, sometimes outright flirty behavior that could escalate into an affair.
You might say that this is the “grey area” of cheating rather than one of the actual types of cheating. It’s one-sided, it does not involve a relationship between two people.
If you get caught micro-cheating, though, a good liar could justify it with technicalities and get away with it.
However, a partner committing micro-cheating normally prefers to keep their behavior hidden.
They would not dare report nor admit it to their partner because it would certainly get frowned upon and cause a fight.
Why Does Micro-Cheating Happen?
Micro-cheating could stem from having “one foot in and one foot out of a relationship”. They are not fully committed to the relationship in their heart.
Of course, this is how a serial cheater would act before jumping into an affair too but someone sticking around in a relationship where they truly do not feel satisfied is the main culprit of micro-cheating.
It’s almost as if they are fishing for attention to see how they feel when the “reel someone in”.
“How does he/she make me feel? Maybe we are meant to be together.”
Nevertheless, just like an emotional affair, the micro-cheater does not believe they will actually cross the line with their “pre-cheating”.
Check out Signs of Micro-cheating:
- Flirty behavior with co-workers
- Paying routine compliments to people they find attractive in hopes to secretly get the treatment returned
- Contacting people of the opposite sex and engaging in conversations that they would not want their partner to know
- Making eye contact and smiling with people they find attractive in hopes to get a response of admiration in return
- Attempting to get compliments from people they find attractive: social media posts, selfie pics, dress style, etc.
- Denying a relationship status or hiding it to not scare potential future mates away
- Sharing personal feelings or spending a lot of time with a friend they find attractive
- Routinely commenting, liking or leaving emojis on photos of people they find attractive
- Your partner places themselves in situations where they end up alone with someone from the opposite sex
Chances Your Partner Stops Micro-Cheating
Likely
If they truly care about your feelings and appreciate what you mean to them and fear losing you.
How Could You Stop Your Partner from Micro-Cheating?
Tell him/her how their behavior hurts you and makes you question the legitimacy of your relationship and whether you should stay.
But do this without blowing up or blaming.
This could put them on the defensive and not take what you’re expressing to heart.
Simply just frame it as the behavior not meeting your expectations of a healthy relationship of which you both deserve.
Then sit back and watch his/her behavior.
Do they continue to act mysterious or make a big effort to earn your trust?
Or consider setting up specific boundaries.
Refer to the above list of behavior and write down what you deem as unacceptable and then have him/her look over it.
How they respond to it will tell you a lot about their state of mind toward your relationship.
4. Digital Cheating
Your partner may not have a relationship with anyone, nor have any plans to leave the relationship.
Instead, they seek to fill voids of lust or emotional emptiness with someone online with whom they never plan on meeting in person.
The other types of cheating mentioned here could still resort to digital forms of communication, but they only interact with this person through the use of internet in digital cheating.
It’s purely a digital (or cyber) relationship.
In fact, they may only contact women or men once and then never again.
Here are the signs of digital cheating:
- Spends hours online alone in another room
- All their devices are password-protected (or finger-scanning-protected)
- Routinely get up in the middle of the night, lock themselves in the bathroom and return to bed after a longer period of time needed to use the bathroom.
- Seem smitten after spending a lot of time on their device.
- Complain they need more alone time on their laptop or tablet.
- Internet browser history shows lots of regular visits to dating sites, chat sites or online cam girl sites
- Internet history does not match the quantity of time he/she spends online (maybe they search in incognito mode)
- Seems distant when you spend time together and then jumps on their phone
- When you spend time out together you catch them on their phone after you leave the bathroom and they suddenly put their phone away
- Your partner never lets you look at or use their phone
- Acts defensive when you ask about why they use their phone so much or seem emotionally distant
- Glues their eyes on their phone when you drive and never looks at you
- Laughs while reading something on their phone but then seems sad, distant or even upset when you attempt to engage in conversation
- Your partner interrupts their chores or playing with kids to jump on their phone
- Upgrades their computer equipment to “chat with their friends” or for online gaming
- He/she changes the subject of their time spent on the computer
Chances Your Partner Stops Digital Cheating
Likely
If they truly care about your feelings and appreciate what you mean to them and fear losing you.
How Could You Stop Your Partner from Digital Cheating?
The healthiest techniques to stop any kind of cheating start with you sharing your thoughts and feelings on how the treatment makes you feel.
Then adding how important a healthy relationship is making sure that both you and your partner still maintain the same relationship goals.
Refer to the advice under micro-cheating.
What to Do When You Catch a Cheater
The best way to handle the different types of cheating is to confront your partner about your displeasure WHILE still speaking maturely, emotionally in-control and keeping the focus on what’s best for the health of the relationship (not just your needs).
Keep something important in mind, but perhaps something hard to accept.
Affair survival may not include repairing the relationship. (LINK to Win-Win affair survival)
Do not force it because it is not completely in your hands.
Your partner must want it.
The more you push for it the more you could push them away.
Just like you cannot force someone to fall in love with you to start a relationship you cannot force someone to stay in on who does not want to.
Does that hurt to read?
Maybe.
But sticking around in a relationship that is doomed to just fail later is just wasting time and energy.
Do Your Best- It’s All You Can Expect
Aim to put yourself in the best position for the relationship to get repaired by doing your part.
With that said, attacking your partner will most likely put them on the defense and not result in achieving anything constructive.
Even with the most concrete evidence in hand, your partner may still not wish (or be ready) to cooperate in working things out.
Download my free 69-page Win-Win Affair Survival eBook or I highly recommend checking out Dr. Huizenga Infidelity Recovery Center’s numerous videos, audios and eBooks to empower you with affair survival and repair resources.
Ways to Catch Cheaters and “Should You Wait to Find Hard Evidence?”
Try to get hard evidence as fast as you can before you ACCUSE your partner of cheating.
This might require a few days, weeks or even months.
However, do NOT wait to confront your partner about unacceptable behavior.
AGAIN, do NOT bash or attack your partner or they will most likely not cooperate.
Acting disappointed while still in-control will have the best effect while limiting the chance that your spouse will work against you.
No matter the technicalities they might throw at you by denying that they’re actually cheating it won’t matter.
Why?
Because your focus is on two things:
1) Your displeasure in the behavior, however, he or she categorizes it
2) The health of the relationship with BOTH of your participation
And he or she is on board or not.
How to Find Evidence of Different Types of Cheating
1. Check out these posts of mine
7 Ways Cheating Spouses Hide Evidence
7 Secrets to Catch Your Cheating Spouse
7 Spy Gadgets to Catch a Cheating Spouse
10 More Ways to Catch a Cheating Spouse Like a Spy
Professional Spy Equipment Review
2. Download my free eBook Top Secret Cheating Spouse Report
Or…
3. Consider running a background by the best in the industry Truthfinder to uncover evidence from the different types of cheating such as:
- Location history (where do they routinely go?)
- Contact details (of the people they regularly keep in touch with- expect to find the lover’s numbers quite often).
- Dating Profiles (Truthfinder could find dating profiles from the email used to set them up)
- Social media profiles (possibly hidden secondary ones you don’t know about so they can keep in touch with their lover via messaging behind your back)
- Online Photos (I caught my wife this way once)
- Web Searches (are they booking getaway trips with their lover or buying them gifts or visiting dating sites)
- Mysterious Bank and Other Financial Accounts
- Marriage Certificates (he or she might have an ex you don’t know about, and they might be in contact with them)
- Property Information (your partner might own property you don’t know of and be meeting up with the lover there)
[Click here] to run a background check on Truthfinder.com Fill in your spouse’s or partner’s name to run a background check.
