Why Men Disappear after Getting Close: 5 Reasons He Hides His Feelings from You
So, what do you suppose are the real reasons why men disappear after getting close to you?
Of course, some men will run away due to low character qualities: they don’t want a relationship– just sex, have a girlfriend but hide it from you, have no idea what they want in relationships- and just waste your time, fear getting close but don’t have the balls to tell you. Instead…
they take the easy road out. They act like magicians and disappear.
But what about the other times?
The times where a guy truly is interested, but he still does not stay around long enough to give the relationship a chance with you.
If you don’t mind me being direct, sometimes you might know what attracts and draws men to you, however, you might not know what we need on a deeper emotional level.
These most likely are not the needs that he will even bring up in conversation because these needs go deeper than he may even evaluate for himself, but nonetheless, for many of us men, they are there.
And keep in mind, these are only 5 of many more.
But they are fundamental emotional needs that make the difference between liking a girl and loving a girl.
And regretfully when you are not aware of the primal needs that are injected into our DNA it can lead to one thing with relationship-minded men…
… the reason why men disappear after getting close.
And besides learning to master the art of how to make men chase and treat you like the prize-to-be-won, I recommend that you also take some time to learn…
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...Why Men Disappear after Getting Close: 5 Feelings They Hide
1. He wants to be a leader but you won't let him.
I would venture to say that most men find strong, independent, confident women attractive. If you are an attractive and strong woman, you should have little trouble getting dates.
However, some strong, independent men may not stick around long enough to give you a chance.
Why not?
Because if you are uncomfortable allowing him to make decisions, then you will create a disconnect with him.
A confident high-value man prefers to make the decisions, but when you second-guess his decision-making, or at least, if he perceives that you doubt his ability to make good decisions, he begins to feel uncomfortable.
You are not allowing him to perform one of his natural roles as a leader/decision-maker.
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2. He wants a purpose and to help, but you make him feel useless.
Whether you understand it or not, men have a primal need to feel like protectors and providers.
We want to help you even if it's for the smallest of things.
You might interpret that as him saying that you cannot take care of yourself.
But that's not it at all.
Realize instead that we are "fixers" and want to help solve problems. It's simply one of our ways of showing our affection as protectors.
At the same time, you do not and should not always let him.
However, if you sense that his intentions are good, then I recommend to grant him the opportunity to help with you with some of them.
It gives us a sense of purpose and if you rarely allow us to help you then we feel useless or perhaps even unappreciated.
And why could this be a major problem?
Because we may feel like you do not need us.
3. He wants to get along but you want to show off your intelligence.
I'd say many high-value men enjoy intelligent and compelling conversation but there's one thing he truly hates…
... drama.
Of course you know that but you may not know the difference between drama and being “real”.
You're just trying to hold an interesting conversation in which you offer your unbridled opinions, but he doesn't see it that way.
He wants dates and time spent with you to be an escape from reality where he doesn't take the problems of the office and real life with him.
He doesn't want to dispute or enter a debate at the dinner table …
... he knows that you are smart but this just isn't the time or place to put your vast knowledge on display.
And you wonder why men disappear after getting close and taking you out on a few dates.
Here's a small hint…
... it stopped being fun for us when you seemed to care too much about proving yourself right.
4. He senses that you hold grudges against men and look for what's wrong with him.
Most men know that many men are pigs and waste women's time.
And if they're not pigs, they're just really bad at communication.
We pretty much figure that you've gone through some less-than-memorable experiences with men.
But we have decided to ask you out because we like you.
And then what happens?
You treat the date like an interrogation.
I understand fully that you do not want to waste your time and get your heart crushed.
But what do you think will happen if you look for things that are wrong with us?
Leave “20 questions” for a job interview, but do not conduct a date the same way.
We just want to have fun and get along. You will have your chance to ask the tough, personal questions later.
If we don't have fun and feel like we can be ourselves around you then we won't see a reason to keep asking you out.
5. He perceived you as unappreciative when you do not offer feedback with specific details.
And here is the grand-daddy of them all.
The date went great, the night was memorable, and you swear that even at one point that time stood still.
This may have been one of the most romantic dates you've ever had, and for him too, however, you made one major mistake.
I'm using the word “major”.
You didn't tell him how much fun you had and how much you appreciated his efforts to make you happy.
You gave him no details during or after the date of what he did to please you.
How's he supposed to know that he passed your test and that you like him?
Summary of Why Men Disappear and Hide Their Feelings
Who makes a potential soulmate for us?
It's pretty simple.
Whichever girl likes us for who we are and allows us to be our true natural selves. (Which is the same for you with man).
In the end men just want to be themselves, the best version of themselves, without having to hide their feelings, but when a man feels like he has to hide his feelings, he then has no real motivation to get close to you.
No matter how attractive you are, how strong you are, or how interesting you are, if he can't be himself then he feels like unappreciated and uncomfortable.
Therefore, if he feels like that then he has no reason to try to connect with you emotionally.
And if he has no reason to connect with you emotionally then a relationship-minded man will appreciate that you gave him an opportunity to go on a date, but he does not see you as a potential long-term partner.
You are not likely to be “the One”.
And this is the real reason why men disappear after getting close.
And why is that?
Because you might be unaware of our fundamental emotional needs as men.
These are the same needs that make the difference between liking a girl and loving a girl.
When you are not aware of our primal needs that are injected into our DNA it only likely will lead to one thing with high-value, relationship-minded men…
... the reason why men disappear after getting close.
Simple advice that is really helpful. I am making an effort to show appreciation now. I used to be the person who just say thank you but I actually say more now and offer something in return.
My girlfriend gave me great feedback after all of our first few dates. It felt like a report card hahah but it made me feel like I was doing a great job making her happy and paying attention to the details. It trained me to want to keep looking for ways to help her enjoy our time together because I wanted to keep hearing her positive “date reviews”.
I just really have a problem with the concept you propose, that women need to keep men interested. It really devalues women altogether. Either I’m interesting to my partner, or I’m not. As I am. If I’m not interesting enough to keep someone interested, then let’s part ways. I’m sure I can find someone who would appreciate me as I am, and me them. I would instead suggest don’t even try to keep a man interested. If he isn’t interested, good lord move on. Find someone who thinks you’re pretty spectacular. Set him free to do the same.
Thank you for replying again Mona. First, thank you for sharing your link. I checked it out and will read some more. Finding out your spouse or partner cheated can certainly put a damper on anyone’s outlook on relationships and certainly challenge one’s feelings on love. Those of us who have been cheated on have gone through it at one point. You bring up a great point about “keeping men interested”. So, a couple of things. One, when you run a blog you write for what people search for or not many people will find your blog. You research which search terms people search for on Google. The thing is that terms like “why men pull away”, “keep men interested”, “scare men away”, “why men disappear” are what women are actively searching for. The keyword research tool Jaaxy.com that I use tells me that women search for these terms. Next, primarily my post is meant to explain the answer to the question women Google, which is “Why do men disappear after falling in love/getting close, etc.?” on a deeper level. Practically ALL of my posts on dating tips are designed for women (not men) because I believe women have a healthier outlook on relationships. So, yes, I recommend that women adopt, put in practice and master a strategy of becoming the “prize-to-be-won”. Get the man to value your uniqueness and respect your standards and boundaries and thus you will become a lady of high value to him. And in this way it filters out the non-commital, time-wasting, selfish men. At the same time, relationship-minded men, who know what they want, have specific needs too. So, this is where the two-way street comes in. No matter how attractive and fun you might be, there are certain “non-negotiables” for stronger-minded men that we will not overlook. For example, #5, if I go on a few dates with a woman and do my best to customize the experience to her liking and she does not give me the proper feedback that she appreciates me, at least trying to make her happy, then why would I want to go back out with her? It’s possible, of course, that she did not have a good time and does not want to go out again, OR… that she just is bad with communication OR.. that she feels entitled. Either way, I don’t want to ask her out again. Take #2, this explains that as men we have a primal need to feel like protectors, providers and pleasers. On a date this could simply take the the form of planning the date and showing you a good time, plus treating you like a gentleman. Or even after we start to date and spend more time together, if she seems like she interprets our behavior to offer help as us saying that she cannot help herself, or that we want to make her dependent on us, then this strips many of us of one way we like to feel connected. A relationship-minded and empathetic man would have her best interests in mind and not try to make her feel dependent on him. And yes, when both people are completely compatible, even in emotional areas that are deep beneath the surface, they usually stick together because BOTH fulfilled each other’s needs. I could easily write a post to explain some of the “non-negotiable” needs that MEN do NOT meet that lead to the women disappearing too. But, for now, I do not create much dating content designed for men to read.
On the contrary. I submit for your consideration that men likely LOVE reading your self-serving dating advice. I’m not writing a blog to establish traffic or readership. If anyone has the unfortunate experience of an unfaithful partner, maybe they will gain a small measure of comfort reading that someone has felt similar feelings in a similar experience. When I searched “infidelity” your blog popped up. I’m not quite sure what it has to do with your content. Your content seems largely to be advice for how women can participate in devaluing themselves in hopes the trick of the day will work. Oh it will work, to hook a shallow self-centered person who won’t be worth the effort in the long run…or the short run. I just don’t think you get it. Sorry. There’s lots of room for different opinions. I’d still encourage any woman to run for the hills if she needs to manipulate someone into thinking she is interesting.
Again thank you for leaving a comment Mona. I actually only have one post on dating tips for men. I wish you the best with your blog and anyone reading the comments here can see your link and click it to go view your content. After reading your comments I decided to go back and re-read the post AND make adjustments to it because I definitely do NOT want women to devalue themselves for men. On the contrary, I want them to choose to only spend their time with men who make them feel appreciated and respect them. A few years after I launched my blog I decided to split the content into two main niches: understanding and processing the pain and happenings of affairs; and then relationship and dating advice/insight into the male mind. While many posts are more light-hearted and entertaining some are designed to take a deeper look into how men think. There are many different angles: some of what not to do to avoid pain and others on what to do to get a man to give you his full attention and respect. I do not like seeing women get hurt and would prefer to keep them out of harm’s way and also help them find the right compatible guy for them. I receive many emails from heart-broken wives trying to make sense of why their husband cheated. The topics of love and relationships can be fragile and stir up a lot of raw emotion. I appreciate your opinions and time to leave a comment. Thank you and I wish you the best with your blog and journey to find peace.
Seems awfully convenient to blame the women 1. Your failt. 2. Your fault. 3. Your fault. 4. Your fault. 5. Your fault. Where’s the research to back up this bologna? I would say men leave because they are selfish, immature, just not a good fit with this otherwise lovely woman, and because they have fooled themselves into thinking more highly of themselves than logic would dictate.
Thank you for leaving your comment Mona. Actually I agree with you. There are definitely times that the wrong men, who are emotionally unavailable, will not commit, no matter what. When this happens I’d just say that the two of you are not completely compatible, otherwise, he would want to stick around. These 5 reasons are just 5 of many. My reasons come from my own personal experience watching my male friends or other guys, some of my own experience and also based on what some well-known dating coaches say. The point of the post is to share our most inner emotional needs as men, no holding back, no sugar-coating. Truthfully, I take the woman’s side more than not because I think women have much healthier intentions in relationships. Now realize this is coming from me who launched this blog because my ex-wife decided to leave unannounced to move in with a guy she barely knew in another city. I have met MANY selfish women, but I still choose to keep an open mind and take people on a case-by-case basis. All that experience meant for me was that what they wanted was not the same that I wanted. Looks like you run a website. Do you write about relationships?
I write, respectfully, about my own experience with an unfaithful husband. I’ve found in reading other people’s blogs that unfortunately my experience isn’t unusual. Lots of men and women out there have walked in my shoes. So, knowing this is the lens I’m viewing the world with, you can understand that your article touched a nerve. Selfish women. Selfish men. They are all out there. I’m working on being less selfish myself.
Thank you Mona for replying. No, regretfully, unfaithfulness is not uncommon. It might be hidden, but it is pretty rabid. I receive a number of emails detailing experiences that you’d swear come right out of the movies. In regards to your original comment, please understand that each of my posts comes from a specific viewpoint, even if I do a poor job explaining that specific viewpoint. While relationships are a two-way street, we still seek to have our own needs met first. Men, whether respectful or selfish, have needs they want met and regretfully often enough we do not express what they are. This post is NOT designed for women who have been cheated on, rather those who have started to date someone and the guy suddenly ghosted them or simply decided that he was no longer interested. Would you like me to read your blog Mona? Perhaps I could have you do a Guest Post on mine. I could help you get additional traffic and exposure to what you have already gained yourself. What’s its URL?
briques-tuiles.com