Toxic Relationships: Why Do We Attract Narcissists?
Ever asked yourself, “Why do I attract narcissists?”
Relationships with narcissists can feel like two different polar opposite lives.
And NO one…. aspires to be in a dark pit of a relationship, fighting for your own survival on a daily basis.
That would be absurd to think that we want that for ourselves.
And yet we’re smack dab in the middle, barely coming up for air.
How did we end up here? Couldn’t we see it coming? Why didn’t we run away at the first sign of abuse?
So how do we attract narcissists?
How We Unconsciously Attract Narcissists … and What Attracts Us to Them
I can tell you that it’s an unconscious thing.
And it happened to me. Luckily for me, I figured out how to turn it around.
Narcissists build you up, put you on a pedestal so high that way you need them to get that same high feeling.
I mean what else has ever made you feel that way?
And then they slowly throw a jab in here or there to see if you will stay. And each time it gets a little worse, but you still get the attention and pedestal feeling so you barely notice.
But each time the abuse happens the knife gets deeper and deeper. You get smaller and smaller, lower and lower and start realizing that something isn’t right but you stay because you’ve convinced yourself that he’s (she’s) not like this all the time.
You start to analyze your own self, trying to figure out what you’re doing wrong that’s triggered him (or her) to be this way?
Each day is like starting all over again. You try to tear his (or her) walls down and get close only to have him push you away and start the cycle all over again.
Some days you’re convinced that it’s him (or her). He must have been hurt so badly as a child to be this way.
Numerous times I remember saying “who did this to you?” My heart broke for someone that could be so damaged that they wouldn’t allow anyone close to them.
Wait! I have a Big Problem
I’d get so confused.
Other days he had me convinced that I was obsessed and I had the problem.
I did have a problem!…a big problem!
Allowing my soft caring heart to lead me astray. I trusted my heart to lead me, but my heart was too damaged, it couldn’t take care of me. Instead I put it in the hands of a man that almost destroyed it.
You see, my soft heart was a weakness to him. He would say that I needed to grow up.
I was grown up, but my heart wasn’t.
And I was still the little girl that wanted to be accepted and loved, just the way I was.
I just wanted a man to see me and show me that I was enough. So the cycle of me trying to prove myself went on and on. Prove to him that I wouldn’t leave him like so many others had, that I could handle him and show him that I was strong.
So I attracted this man to beat me up on the inside because honestly, I didn’t trust myself with my own heart.
I was saying without words “please take my heart, it’s no good to me, I can’t be trusted with it.” “you couldn’t possible hurt it any more than it’s already been hurt.”
This wasn’t the first time a man hurt me like this. Maybe not in a love affair but definitely by someone who I’d trusted unconditionally.
So why do we attract narcissists?
5 Reasons We Unconsciously Attract Narcissists
- We have a soft caring heart.
- We have a deep desire to help people even if it’s at our own expense.
- We are damaged ourselves. Our hearts are hurting, maybe even numb. We want to feel again. Even if it’s terrible pain, at least we’ll know we are alive.
- We need to feel important like we matter.
- We just want to be loved. We’ve never experienced what real love looks like or feels like.
Attracting men like this isn’t something we strive to do but how do we get out of this habit and start to attract the love we want from a man?
Or how do we decide if this relationship is even worth fighting for? Can he change? What can you do to turn this cycle around?
If this sounds familiar to you and you’d like to learn more visit my website RogueRelationship.com Download your free eBook “6 Steps To Having Him Tear The World Apart To Be Close To You” and get more insight into why we attract this into our lives and how to overcome this.
“Rogue” is an accomplished relationship coach, wife, and mother of four that really knows how to dive into a woman’s love life and turn it around. By using tools that helped her turn her 17 year marriage around, she can help you turn yours around as well. Rogue has worked with women for 15 years in the nail industry. She listened to her clients and coached them by giving advice and counsel on any situation they were in. Rogue has a heart of gold that can relate to any woman because of her own personal struggles and hearing other women’s. She seeks to help any woman that finds herself stuck, lonely, or frustrated by love.
Identifying the Real Problem
When life got tough and she found herself content but not happy, she quickly lost her feelings for her husband and she had to figure out what to do. Life was great! How do you lose the one thing that mattered most! After leaving her husband and only attracting men that wanted to hurt her, she quickly discovered that she didn’t love herself very much at all, why else would she be putting up with such bad behavior from men.
For almost a year she read and listened to everything she could get her hands on. Discovering many deeply amazing things about herself. Most importantly she discovered what real love is and what it feels like.
Learn How to Handle Your Relationship with Narcissists
By following her “Rogue Rules” she will guide you through the journey of love and leave you feeling confident that you’ve made the right choice whether it be to stay or go, wait or not wait. Love will seem so effortless and organic just the way it’s supposed to be. You will quickly get results without having to search for answers yourself, which can lead you to more frustration and dead ends. Her proven method not only helped turn her marriage around but it has worked for countless other women as well.
- Visit her website at http://roguerelationship.com/
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Do You Attract Narcissists? What Do You Struggle with the Most?
(Please share your thoughts at bottom of this post.)
